


Empire State of Mind

by immen_sity



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Ficlet, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immen_sity/pseuds/immen_sity
Summary: "London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.”A collection of Barson ficlets - fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, and everything under the sun - revolving around places in New York City. Requests are warmly welcomed!
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 77
Kudos: 59





	1. East Village

**Author's Note:**

> i went to school in New York City and loved my time there. this collection is an ode to both my favourite city in the world and favourite TV couple. it wasn't particularly often that we saw Barson scenes that didn't revolve around the courthouse, precinct, or 1 Hogan Place, so i thought i'd try my hand at some NYC-centric ficlets, many based around some of my favourite places in the city! 
> 
> some chapters will be canon-compliant, others not so much, with mentions of Rollisi and Calhola throughout! chapters will be rated individually. comments and location suggestions welcome!
> 
> thank you in advance for reading. <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes, it's the little things that count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my first attempt at a hurt/comfort barson fic! loosely based on the events of 16 x 19 (the anti-vax mom/Tribeca school episode). 
> 
> also, Veselka is the bomb.

**East Village**

He wasn't expecting her to pick up, but she did anyway.

"Liv, it's me. Jury came back. I just wanted to let you know that we got Trudy Malko for reckless endangerment. Three months in prison, and then nine months' probation after."

"Thanks for the update. I'm sorry I couldn't be there," she said apologetically, although he could hear how exhausted she was. Noah had been in the hospital for a couple of days now, and when she'd dashed out of the courthouse to check on him, his condition was at its worst. He'd chased her to the elevator when he noticed how frazzled she was, caring little about anyone who was watching, but couldn't follow up with her until he was done with court for the day.

"Hey, it's totally fine. Noah needs you," he said reassuringly, hoping it'd make her feel less guilty. "Liv... how are you doing?"

"You know, it's hard," she replied sadly. "Noah's pulled through the worst, but he's going to be here for at least a few more days. Dr. Lee's given him so many antibiotics, I just..." She choked, and sounded like she was holding back tears. "I'm just so, so worried. It feels like my heart is being ripped out whenever Noah has as much as a tiny cough."

Rafael's heart ached for Olivia. She had invested so much energy into interviewing the spoiled students and insufferable parents from that pretentious Tribeca school, collecting their phones, and worrying about the pictures being splashed across the Internet, only for her son to end up in the hospital fighting for his life while the rest of the squad scrambled in her absence. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't want to trouble you; I know you're busy. But thank you for offering. I'm going to stay at the hospital for the time being." He could tell that she was trying to keep it together on the phone, but on the precipice of crumbling.

"Look, Liv, it's fine. I'm done for the day and concerned about Noah, too. I want to check on him. And you."

"Only if it's not too much trouble for you."

"I'll be there in an hour."

Fifty minutes later, he found Olivia in the paediatric ward, still in her work clothes from the day before, staring at Noah through the glass window of the ICU. Seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to him made Rafael choke a little. He wasn't very comfortable around children, but knowing that he was _Olivia_ 's son almost brought a tear to his eye. _He's so small, he shouldn't have to suffer like this._

"Liv," he said gently. "How are you?"

She turned to him, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know, Rafael. Dr. Lee just told me that Noah's stable for now, but not out of the woods yet. She doesn't want to take any chances, so she's keeping him here until he shows more progress." They observed as a nurse closely examined one of the many monitors next to Noah's cot, a frown appearing on her face. Sensing that Olivia was on the verge of tears again, he took her hand in his and asked, "How about some dinner? I brought some soup."

"I'm not that hungry."

"You have to eat, Liv. Noah needs you to be strong for him. The doctors and nurses will take good care of him while we're eating, and we'll be right here in the waiting area."

"Okay," she whispered, and let Rafael lead her to an empty bench. She cracked a small smile when she saw some familiar-looking borscht soup and pierogies in an equally familiar paper bag. Veselka was one of her favourite places for comfort food, but after adopting Noah and getting promoted to Sergeant, she hadn't had much time to eat out, let alone make the trek to the East Village. "Thank you for coming. And for the soup and food."

"I know how much you love Veselka, and thought I'd drop by since I had to pass by to get here."

"I can't believe you actually remembered. That's so thoughtful of you."

Rafael's heart swelled. Sure, he and Olivia had grown close over the course of his work with SVU, but she wasn't usually the kind to compliment him directly like that. Their relationship had long been built on mutual, unspoken respect - nods of confidence in court, work discussions that simultaneously affirmed the abilities of _and_ challenged the other, and dedication to making each other's work as effective and rigorous as possible. But they were now outside of work and the dynamic between them felt different. It pained him to see Olivia hurting so much, so unguarded and vulnerable. He knew she didn't show this side of her to just anyone. She trusted him with her emotions, and he didn't want to let her down. He _wanted_ to reach out to her; comfort her.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Once all this is over I'll get back up to speed with work and reschedule the meetings with you that I've missed..." Her voice trailed off as she stared into her bowl of soup.

He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Liv, it's fine. Noah is the priority and we all understand that. _I_ understand that. The only thing I want is for you to take care of yourself and Noah."

"Rafael, I'm sor-"

"You don't have to apologise for being a good mother."

Olivia exhaled slowly. "Thank you. I really needed to hear that today."

They finished the rest of the soup and pierogies. The worried look never quite left her face, but he sensed that she was able to relax, even if just a little, as they ate in silence. He couldn't take her pain and worry away, but was glad to be a shoulder for her to lean on.

"If you need anything... food, coffee, someone to stay at the hospital with Noah while you work, or just a friend... give me a call, okay? I'll help in whatever way I can."

She didn't need to say thank you; he saw it in her eyes.

They walked back to the window, where a small team of doctors and nurses hovered over Noah and administered yet another dose of medicine. Rafael saw Olivia's hands tremble, her eyes flood with tears once more. He could almost hear her panic: the anxiety, self-doubt, stress and questioning that had been plaguing her since Noah was first admitted to the hospital.

Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed her hand. _It's going to be okay_. _You're going to be okay._

She grabbed his back, letting him ground her. _I believe you._


	2. Battery Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the last things i did before leaving the city was visit Battery Park at sunset. i'll never forget that beautiful view.

**Battery Park**

It took a few minutes of searching the park, but she finally found him sitting on a bench facing the water, cup of coffee in hand, absent-minded gaze on the Statue of Liberty on the horizon.

She took a deep breath and approached him, careful not to spook him. "Rafa," she said softly.

He turned to her, eyes filled with sadness and exhaustion. "How did you find me?"

"I'm a trained detective. Plus, I could smell your cologne," she quipped, reminding him of the time that she'd found him in Forlini's when they were investigating the Jeremy Jones case, long before he kissed her for the first time. He cracked a small smile thinking of that evening, which he remembered like it was yesterday. "I know how much you like this park."

"The view's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It sure is." She took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"You know, I used to take the subway all the way here when I was a kid. Felt far enough from the Bronx to take me away from everything. Dreamed of working in one of these fancy office buildings some day." He spoke slowly, his voice filled with emotion. But sometimes, it just feels so overwhelming, you know? The sleepless nights, gruesome pictures, heart-breaking testimony... We won, but it's just been an awfully long day."

"You're only human, Rafa. I know exactly how you feel - the job is tough. But you're also doing so much good work putting predators and horrible people away." She wrapped her arm around him and he leaned into her, inhaling her scent. "You did amazing today. I'm proud of you."

He kissed her on the lips and mouthed a silent "thank you".

"Do you want to head home now?" she asked quietly. "We can make _ropa vieja_ for dinner, get some ice cream, or watch a movie with Noah..."

He turned his gaze to the Jersey City skyline in the distance. "Actually... can we sit here for a while longer?" 

"Of course, Rafa. Of course." Olivia smiled and they held each other close as they listened to the waves lap against the pier, the warm glow of the sunset bathing them in hues of orange and filling them with a peaceful contentedness. 


	3. Times Square

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: tooth-rotting fluff ahead!
> 
> (will spice things up in subsequent chapters, don't worry)

**Times Square**

As a Broadway fan, Rafael was no stranger to the Theatre District. He knew the quickest routes to the subway entrance and how to dodge the inevitable pre and post-show crowds. He hated the area, and braved it only for his love of the theatre. The lifelong New Yorker in him shunned it as much as he possibly could.

But this had been his first time watching a show with Olivia Benson. When they started dating a few months back, he promised he'd bring her to see a show, and sure enough, he'd managed to secure a pair of VIP tickets to _Hamilton,_ which she'd wanted to see for months. They got dressed to the nines -- Rafael in one of his favourite grey suits, Olivia a brand new sheath dress from Barney's -- left Noah with Lucy for the evening, enjoyed dinner at an Italian restaurant recommended by Carisi, and were thoroughly enthralled by the show, even though Rafael had already seen it thrice. Having Olivia - he couldn't believe he could call her his girlfriend - by his side, resting her hand on his thigh, made it by far the best of the 4 nights he attended the show.

They strolled out of the Richard Rodgers Theatre, tipsy from wine and buzzing with post-show excitement, arms interlinked. She leaned into him as they walked in the direction of the subway station, the night breeze caressing her hair. It was his idea of a perfect night.

"Have you ever taken a photo here?" she asked, looking to the centre of the square.

The bright red TKTS steps had never appealed to him. Times Square was enough of a touristy, overpriced mess as it was - the steps only added to its insufferable feeling of excess and commercialism. He shook his head. "I don't think I have any photos of myself in Times Square, actually."

"Come on, are you really a New Yorker if you don't have a Times Square photo? It's less crowded now. I'll get a picture of you."

Before he could protest, she was tugging on her arm and leading him up the stairs, positioning him where the billboards and neon lights would be in full view. "Stand there and hand me your Playbill." She pulled her phone out of her purse and aimed it at him. "Smile."

Rafael stood there, stiff and tense, unsure of what to do with his hands. "Come on Rafa, you're in the press all the time, surely you know how to pose for a photo," she teased. "Model that fancy new suit you have on."

He begrudgingly struck a pose and attempted to look as suave as possible, Olivia laughing and encouraging him as she snapped away. "I'm _so_ going to make one of these pictures my new wallpaper."

"Hey, I want a picture of you, too. It's your turn to pose for the camera, _mi amor_."

"Actually, I have a better idea." She moved next to him, wrapped an arm around the small of his back, and snapped a selfie. "The picture isn't complete without the _both_ of us."

"Aren't we a little old for selfies, Lieutenant? We look like tourists," he quipped 10 photos later, while gesturing at the groups around them. "What's next, I ❤️ NY t-shirts and getting in line at Ellen's Stardust Diner?"

"Come on, live a little. Just because we live here - and see the worst of it at work every day - doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it once in a while." She paused and wrapped his hand around his as they descended the stairs and walked through the square.

Rafael took a deep breath and soaked in his surroundings. Sure, it was blindingly neon and commercialised and tacky and ostentatious... but it was _his_ city. Their city. He looked again at the tourists with their wide-eyed grins and selfie sticks and saw - no, felt - their excitement at being at the centre of one of the greatest cities in the world. He was _so damn lucky_ to live in a place that so many people wanted to be, holding the hand of the love of his life. 

"I'm going to sound like a sap, but Liv... I feel so lucky that in a city of 8 million people, I found you."

"Someone's having a change of heart," she smirked when she saw his contented smile. "I'm glad I found you too," she added softly.

They strolled to the subway station in a comfortable silence, glad to be just a couple in love blending into a mass of people, and enjoying the sights and sounds of the city they called home.


	4. Sheep's Meadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia is more than a little jealous when she hears that Rafael is on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying my hand at writing angst/jealousy!

**Sheep's Meadow (Central Park)**

“I’m buying lunch, Liv. Do you want anything?” Olivia looked up and saw Amanda standing in the door of her office, wallet and phone in hand.

Olivia's stomach growled. “Just in time. My usual bagel order, please. Thanks!”

“Got it. Are you planning to stay here until evening?”

“Probably. I’m supposed to talk to Barba about our case. I’ll call him back after lunch.”

“Wait - didn’t he tell you? He's at Sheep's Meadow for a blind date.” Amanda said nonchalantly. “I don’t think he’ll be available.”

“This is the first I’m hearing of it,” Olivia muttered. _A blind date! Rafael actually agreed to that?_ She felt a wave of annoyance wash over her. They were close friends, or at least she thought they were _._ Why hadn’t it come up previously?

Amanda stared at Olivia, whose usual calm smile had suddenly turned into a distant, icy glare. “Liv... you okay?”

“Yeah... yeah, I’m fine. Just annoyed that I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him about witness prep. Thanks for offering to get lunch,” she said hastily, hoping that Amanda would take that as a cue to leave her office. Sensing that Olivia wasn’t feeling too good, Amanda waved goodbye and quietly shut the door behind her.

There was a mountain of case files on her desk, but Olivia had lost all motivation to work, which was uncharacteristic for her, and only intensified her annoyance at herself. She shut her laptop and leaned back in her chair, shutting her eyes tight in a half-hearted attempt to purge the negative feelings from her head.

She didn’t know why she was feeling this way. She and Rafael were friends and had been since he transferred to Manhattan. They’d shared many heartfelt conversations over drinks and dinner at Forlini’s and celebrated and mourned their successes and losses. _Maybe I’m just hurt that he didn’t tell me about his date. Any close friend would expect to hear about that, at the very least._

But she was self-aware enough to know that this was more than just a small squabble between friends.

Olivia was tempted to pick up her phone and send him a passive-aggressive text, “asking” him how his date was going. Maybe he’d apologise for not telling her in advance. That would make her feel just a little bit better. (But would it really?) 

She was being selfish and petty, and she knew it, but she didn't care enough to extinguish the feeling.

She imagined him walking close to his date - probably some highly-qualified, fashionable, elegant brunette in a sundress, wicker picnic basket in his hand. Maybe they'd link arms and he'd hold her purse as they talked about Vonnegut and Wolfe and whatever smart, deep comedy he was watching on Netflix that no one else understood, like _BoJack Horseman_. They’d find a nice spot in Sheep’s Meadow, Rafael unboxing some Cuban delicacies straight from Lucia's kitchen (his only cooking ability was ordering Postmates) and laying a gourmet spread on an overpriced checkered picnic mat from Anthropologie. They'd laugh over red wine (even though he _never_ drank red wine, except with Olivia) and he'd feed her cheese and olives and grapes and she'd laugh at his jokes and sarcastic quips...

It made her so angry.

"Liv?" She hadn't even noticed that Amanda was back with her bagel and standing at her door. "Lox, cream cheese, and capers on an everything bagel." Amanda placed the brown paper bag on her desk and noticed the closed laptop and untouched case files, and her lieutenant's frown. "... really, are you okay?"

"Just a little annoyed, but I'll get over it," she replied dryly. (She was _way_ more than "a little" annoyed.)

"Is this about Barba?" Amanda asked quietly. "I'm sorry I forgot to tell you he was busy. He told Fin and me when he came by for the files this morning."

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I'm... annoyed that he's not here and that he's on..." She stopped herself, unsure if she wanted Amanda to know that she'd been dwelling on her colleague and *platonic friend* being on a date. Thankfully, Amanda chose not to make a sarcastic comeback or take the opportunity to gently tease her friend into admitting that the _real_ reason she was so flustered was that their ADA was on a date with someone who was _not_ Olivia. 

"Drop him a text. I'm sure he'll get back to you about..." she paused and gave Olivia a knowing look, "... _the case,_ this evening." Without elaborating further, Amanda turned around and quietly shut Olivia's office door to give her some privacy.

Alone again, Olivia's jealousy burned at the back of her throat, sour and acidic. Her face was flushed; her breathing rapid and fevered. For a few seconds she felt like she was actually going to throw up. This was so unlike her, and she hated that something as simple and innocuous as learning Rafael Barba was on a date elicited such a strong, visceral reaction from her. She was _burning_ with jealousy. Enough to make the delicious bagel on her desk totally unappetising.

Olivia reproached herself for feeling this way. She was more rational than this. She was better than petty jealousy and bitterness. 

But irrationality won, and Amanda's suggestion confirmed her desire to drop him a text. Olivia pulled out her phone and opened her chat history, lingering over Rafael's name with some trepidation. He'd definitely see it or receive a notification at the very least - he _never_ put his phone on Airplane Mode, even when he slept. With some effort, she composed a text that she thought was perfectly reasonable and un-jealous.

_Hey, Rafael. Need to talk to you about the case files and scheduling witness prep. Drop me a text when you're free._

And for good measure, a hastily-composed, impulsive, follow-up message.

_P.S.: Hope your date is going well! (Rollins told me.)_

She hoped that it was _not_ going well. In fact, she hoped that his date was going absolutely _disastrously._ Something so awful that his (un)lucky date would never want to see him again.

Not because he was an awful or repulsive person, of course. Olivia liked him too much to even consider that scenario, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone. She prayed for something - anything - to ruin that date.

_I hope it rains._ Olivia wanted the skies to open up and flood the verdant green of Sheep's Meadow. She wanted thunder and lightning to crash and his date (she shuddered thinking about her) to fall into a giant puddle, or into a muddy patch, or down the Bethesda Terrace stairs, ruining that floral sundress... Or she'd bitch and whine about getting soaked and irritate Rafael into ending their date early. Maybe she'd have forgotten her umbrella and gotten her shoes full of mud and water. That'd be _amazing_ , the petty part of her said. He'd send his poor date a polite - but curt - text after, telling he that he loved her company (a blatant lie) but wasn't interested in seeing her (ever) again.

This mystery woman wouldn't have the slightest clue about Lucia, Alex, Yelina, Eddie, Catalina, Lauren Sullivan - characters in Rafael's life he'd made known to Olivia. Heck, she probably would never understand Rafael's work like Olivia did - the long hours spent preparing cases, reviewing often-gruesome evidence with a fine-tooth comb, the succinct yet impassioned closing arguments that advocated for victims' best interests, the highest highs and lowest lows that came with bringing tough cases to trial. No one knew Rafael Barba like Olivia did.

_God, I'm being a bitch_. She winced a little, knowing that Rafael hated getting caught in the rain - his dry-clean only designer outfits wouldn't appreciate being drenched. She winced even more knowing that she was wishing the worst on both the poor woman and her closest friend. Olivia felt like an absolute asshole; enough to destroy her friendship with Rafael forever if she ever breathed a word about her feelings to him. 

Accepting that marinating in her jealousy alone in her office wasn't a good way to spend the afternoon, Olivia finished her bagel and headed outside for some fresh air. She grabbed a fresh cup of coffee from the cart near the precinct and took off in the direction of the nearest park, mulling over the reasons she'd reacted so strongly to news of the date.

She could have sworn that it was _her_ that Rafael had feelings for. They didn't have to talk about it to know that there was some degree of truth to that. If his angry, hurt-filled reaction to hearing about her involvement with Tucker wasn't obvious enough, there were signs everywhere. He'd always taken a special interest in her and her life; she confided in him and he did the same. He looked to her for strength in court and let her barge into his office unannounced, which even Amanda and Sonny weren't allowed to do. She could swear - along with her entire squad, who teased her about it very often - that they even _stood_ closer together in every meeting, interrogation or pow-wow session. Perhaps she'd grown so used to their teasing that realising that it might be unfounded after all was an unwelcome surprise. Olivia admitted to herself that she enjoyed the attention she got from Rafael, platonic or not, and seeing him give it to someone else made her question everything he'd ever said and done to her that seemed even vaguely romantic. 

Had she been so wrong? Should she have addressed their romantic tension head-on instead of letting it stew for so many months -- years, actually?

It was pointless now, though.

_He didn't choose me_.

A droplet landed on the sleeve of her blouse and interrupted her self-pity party. She prayed that a bird hadn't crapped on her, but upon closer examination, she realised that it looked a lot...

Like **rain**.

Olivia looked up and suddenly became aware of the grey clouds moving in. Thunder crashed in the distance, and the wind was picking up speed. It was her cue to get up from the bench and focus on heading back to the precinct to seek shelter. By the time she was settled back in her office, after spending 15 minutes drying her clothes with the hand dryer in the squad room bathroom, the drizzle had escalated to a torrential downpour.

She almost couldn't believe it. There was _no way_ Rafael could possibly have continued his Central Park date. Sure, he could have taken her to some fancy Upper West Side restaurant to seek shelter, but she hoped that wasn't the case.

Her phone buzzed and she beamed when she saw his name light up the screen. 

_Hey, Liv. Sorry I missed your messages. Date went horribly, Sheep's Meadow was disgusting today. Want to grab drinks later?_

A smile creeped across her face and hope filled her chest.

_Can't wait to hear all about it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was loosely inspired by Jana Kramer's song I Hope It Rains!


	5. Madison Avenue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday shopping for Rafael doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick fluffy ficlet that i wrote in between classes at school!

**Madison Avenue**

"What do you mean, "for the next three months"? You're not getting any new stock until next year?" Olivia asked incredulously, trying not to raise her voice over the soft piano music that piped through the speakers.

The sales assistant in an immaculate pantsuit and perfectly coiffed hair smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, ma'am. Demand has been exceptional."

Olivia frowned and ran her fingers through her sweaty hair. She'd visited multiple Sephora stores, Macy's, and Barney's, Bloomingdale's and even Saks, but none of them carried Rafael's signature Terre D'Hermes. A few frustrating hours later, she found herself in the Hermes store on Madison Avenue, still in her work clothes and looking nothing like the high-society customers in the store. She couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, but gritted her teeth and focussed on the mission at hand.

"How about you put your name down, and we'll give you a call when we get stock?" the sales assistant asked, her polite smile never faltering. Olivia felt a little embarrassed about her impatient tone from earlier and nodded, cracking a nervous smile back. She wrote her name and number on the notepad she was handed and left the store, in search of a large latte and other gift ideas for Rafael's birthday. She hadn't realised that his cologne was so in demand, and admonished herself for not ordering it earlier, especially after he'd casually mentioned that he was running low on it. However, she had to be back at the precinct in an hour, and probably didn't have time to check out any more stores that afternoon.

As she walked out of the store, eyes glued to her phone, a familiar-looking dark-haired man in a three-piece suit strutted through the door confidently, like he was walking into his own home.

"Liv?" She looked up from her phone and gasped as she came face-to-face with her boyfriend of half a year.

"Rafa?"

They stepped back into the store. "What are you doing here, Liv?" he asked when he realised she was empty-handed.

"Well, I wanted to get you..." she started sheepishly, only to be interrupted by the same sales assistant from earlier. "Mr Barba! I'll get you your cologne now." The other staff smiled at him. He certainly was a familiar face to them.

Olivia stared at him quizzically. "Wait - how? It's sold out..." she started sadly.

"Mr Barba! We were just expecting you. Here's the Terre D'Hermes you ordered last week. You got the last bottle for a while." The sales assistant emerged with an orange paper bag. She looked at Olivia apologetically, but smiled when she deduced that she'd been trying to buy a bottle for Rafael.

"Thank you, Cheryl. Call me when you get stock again?"

Cheryl nodded and ushered them out of the store. He took Olivia's hand and they walked down Madison Avenue together.

"So, you still haven't told me. What were you doing at the Hermes store on a weekday afternoon?" he asked, although the twinkle in his eye told her that he already knew.

"I was looking for a new bottle of Terre D'Hermes as a birthday gift for you, and I tried _everywhere_ I possibly could in Manhattan, but it was sold out everywhere. I didn't know the store put them aside for you!"

Rafael chuckled seeing his girlfriend so flustered. "I can't believe you ran around Manhattan for me." How had he gotten so lucky?

"Chasing perps isn't as nearly as tiring as shopping. You would have thought that finding cologne would be easier than this."

"Thankfully, you don't have to do this again. But thank you for trying, anyway." He paused to wrap his arm around her waist and kiss her.

"I'm going to need a new gift idea for your birthday. Please tell me now if there's anything else you have your fancy stores set aside for you, because my legs can't take another round of this."

Rafael placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "I'm honestly fine with anything, Liv. You don't need to run all over town to get me something. Having you and Noah is enough of a gift for me."

Damn, she had tears in her eyes. She loved Rafael's sass and sarcasm, but romantic Rafael made her heart melt. He caressed her face with his free hand and wiped them away.

"You two mean so much more to me than a bottle of Terre D'Hermes ever could."

"I love you, Rafa."

He kissed her deeply, not caring that they were standing on a crowded sidewalk. "We're pretty far from the precinct. I'd suggest cutting through Central Park, but you look exhausted. How about I get an Uber for us instead?"

"Yes, please." They paused at the nearest street corner and he whipped out his phone to call a car. She buried her head in the shoulder of the man she loved, drinking in the familiar woodsy citrus of Terre D'Hermes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the NYC Hermes store is at 690 Madison Av!)


	6. Governors Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i LOVE Governors Island. more Barson fluff, this time with Noah! 
> 
> also, sending love to kmfoss929, joyfulmariskahgt, thousand_miles and Millie_Morris for your lovely and encouraging comments on these ficlets! <3
> 
> CN: mentions of child abuse/domestic violence

**Governors Island**

"Mom! Matthew told me at school that his dad brought him to Governors Island last weekend! Please, can we go too?" Noah exclaimed he let go of Lucy's hand and burst through the door of their apartment.

She looked up from her phone and nodded. "Hello to you too, Noah. That sounds like a good idea, sweetie. I'll ask your dad what he thinks when he gets home, okay?"

"Matthew said that he rode a bike around and went down these really long slides!" Olivia remembered reading about the island's newest attractions in the Times a few years ago. _It certainly looks very kid-friendly,_ she thought as she scrolled through their website. Hammocks, slides, hills, food options, and great views of the Manhattan skyline.

Later that evening, Olivia brought the topic up with Rafael as they climbed into bed. Handing him her phone, she asked, "Keen on Governors Island? Noah asked about it today."

Rafael peered at the screen. "Wow, it looks nice. We could go this weekend or next. What does Noah want to do there?"

"He wants to go down those really long slides built into the hill - Slide Hill - and cycle around the island, now that he has a bike. We can rent bikes for ourselves when we get there."

"That sounds lovely... but I do have one confession to make."

Olivia saw the look of hesitation on his face and probed. "What is it? Are you not free this weekend or next?"

"No, no, it's not that. I actually... don't know how to ride a bike," he said nervously.

Olivia gasped, but quickly recovered when she saw the serious expression on his face. "That's fine; I'm sure Noah will understand, but I'm just confused - how do you _not_ know how to cycle? Did you not learn as a kid?"

"I didn't have a bike growing up. I wanted so badly to get one of my own because both Eddie and Alex had bikes, but when I finally plucked up the courage to ask my dad, he beat me for asking. Had a black eye in school the next day. Beat my mother too, when she asked him to reconsider." his voice trailed off. "So I lost interest in cycling and never learned after that, even when I got to Harvard."

Olivia slid next to him and let him spoon her. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, Rafa. I'll tell Noah that we can go to the island, but that you and I won't cycle."

"It's fine, Liv. You didn't know. But..." he paused to swallow hard, "I think I want to learn."

"Are you sure? You really don't have to feel pressured. Noah's probably old enough to understand that not everyone knows how to or likes to cycle, and we can just walk behind him while he cycles."

"I want to," he said quietly, but resolutely. "Noah loves to cycle. It's about time I learn, so I can take him places."

Olivia smiled. "I'm proud of you, babe. How about I tell Noah that we're going next weekend, and we give cycling a try this weekend? I'm sure you'll be able to pick up the basics - enough to get around the island, since it's pretty flat and safe - within a couple of days."

"Okay. Let's try that."

"I can leave Noah with Amanda and Sonny, or maybe drop him off at your mom's place, and we'll rent Citibikes and head to a park or deserted street to practice."

"Can we get helmets before we go? I need my head to work, and certainly don't want to crack mine open in a cycling accident."

"Of course," she chuckled. "And you're _not_ going to crack your head open. I'll be right there with you."

* * *

Three days later, Citibikes rented and helmets purchased, Olivia and Rafael found themselves in a quiet(er) part of Central Park, with flat terrain and a paved path. Olivia hadn't cycled much in the last year, but within minutes muscle memory had kicked in and she was riding in circles around her overwhelmed husband. He'd noticed the hordes of small children riding their bikes through the park effortlessly and felt a little embarrassed about being the only above-40 beginner in sight.

"Riding a bike is kind of like learning to swim. Once you learn, you'll never forget. We can practice the basics - getting on and off, gliding, braking... and then actual pedalling. And turning, of course." Normally Rafael would offer some sarcastic remark about how bossy Olivia was in "mom mode" or comment on the apparent reversal of their work personas, but not today - his dignity was in his wife's hands.

Within half an hour, Rafael could glide short distances, so Olivia decided to let him try pedalling for the first time. She got on her bike and rode alongside him, guiding him along at first and slowly letting go when he appeared to have his feet in order. For ten glorious seconds he pedalled on his own, only to take a tumble into a grass patch beside the path.

"Thank goodness I wore sweats today. I'd have cuts all over my legs without them on," he grumbled.

"That was pretty good, though! You managed to move on your own, and we've only been here an hour." She helped him up and back onto his bike. "Let's do that again. This time, keep your body more upright instead of leaning to the right. And try to relax a little and look ahead. If all you can think about is falling, you'll end up falling for real."

Rafael took her advice to heart and tried to focus. _I'm doing this for Noah._ Chanting that mantra in his head repeatedly seemed to work - when Olivia next let go, he made twenty seconds. She was pleasantly surprised by how fast he was progressing. The real challenge, however, was pushing off independently.

"Liv, I'm nervous."

"You're going to be fine, Rafa. I'm right here. And falling is perfectly fine. I'm sure I fell at least 20 times when I learned to ride a bike as a kid."

"Wow, that bodes well for me," he said sarcastically. "Also, you were a child, not a man pushing fifty."

"We're not in court now. You don't have to worry about being embarrassed." Olivia resisted the urge to laugh when she saw her husband's sour face. She sympathised with his fear of cycling and how difficult it was to learn a new skill at their age in general, but it was pretty funny to see the Executive Assistant District Attorney undone by a bicycle. Rafael was somewhat athletic, but he looked so uncoordinated and awkward on that bicycle that Olivia was glad that no one they knew was in the vicinity. "You can do this."

Olivia parked her bike on the grass and stood next to Rafael's. "I'm going to hold on, and then let go once you gain your balance, okay?" He nodded, trusting her to keep him as upright as possible. She kept a firm grip on his bicycle and torso, which helped settle his raging nerves.

He grumbled again, reminded himself: _I'm doing this for Noah,_ and off he went.

* * *

"Noah, we have to stay in line! Don't run off," Olivia said sternly as her boisterous son cycled towards the loading bay of the Battery Maritime Ferry Terminal. "We'll start cycling when we get onto the island, okay?"

"Sorry, mama," he said quietly. Noah came to a stop beside them and climbed off his bike. Rafael helped him take his helmet off while Olivia held his hand to prevent him from running off again.

As they boarded the ferry, Rafael winced a little when the strap of his backpack accidentally brushed against the scrape on his arm he'd acquired during some last-minute cycling practice with Olivia in the park the day before, but Noah's excited face made him forget about the pain. The boy was so excited for their weekend excursion that he burst into their bedroom at 6am, despite them having ferry tickets for 9.30.

Olivia glanced at the red patch on her husband's arm. "Rafi, are you sure you're okay to cycle today?"

"I'll be fine, Liv," he said, smiling. "As long as Noah doesn't go too fast."

"I'll keep him in check, don't worry."

The ferry departed from the terminal, and they stood on the upper deck, enjoying the gentle ocean breeze and view of the Manhattan skyline as they pulled away. He reached out to grip Olivia's hand, knowing that they were thinking the exact same thing. Both of them spent so much time in Manhattan, working or running after Noah, that it was rare that they had time to admire the city they lived in. The months of late spring and early summer had always been his favourite, and he let a feeling of contentedness wash over him, momentarily leaving behind the remnants of his cycling-related anxiety.

He'd never thought he'd pick up cycling at his age, but having Noah and Olivia as motivation made the process much easier than he envisioned it to be. Sure, he was bruised and scraped from falling countless times, but her unceasing encouragement and Noah's excitement made the injuries worth it. He no longer associated bicycles and cycling with the horrors of his childhood in the Bronx. Having Olivia and Noah made his life so much healthier. Now that he had a family - and son - of his own to shower his love and affection on, he no longer curled a fist thinking of his late father, or went out of his way to avoid things that triggered negative childhood memories. Olivia and Noah were the good in his world.

"Penny for your thoughts, dear?" He snapped out of his reverie and realised that they were pulling up at the Governors Island ferry dock.

"Just thinking about how much I love you and Noah," he said sweetly, not caring that he sounded sappy.

"Wow, Noah and I really have made you soft, Counselor," she smirked.

"It's true, though. And... I actually like it." He kissed her cheek softly as they disembarked.

" _Papi_ , can I have my helmet now please?" Noah asked excitedly as he grabbed his bike from Olivia's grip.

"Not yet, _mijo_. Your mom and I need to rent our own bikes first! But not long more, okay?"

Rafael bent down and picked Noah up, not caring that he was a little too heavy for him. Olivia whipped out her phone to snap a picture of them, knowing that she'd want a print-out of it for her desk at the precinct. She almost couldn't believe that the suave ADA who once held Noah like a ticking bomb now filled a fatherly role so effortlessly. Sometimes she feared that Rafael still worried about his own parenting abilities given his own troubled childhood, but moments like these extinguished any worry she had. She loved that Noah had Rafael as his father.

A few minutes later, Olivia and Rafael had paid for and collected their bicycles from the rental shop, and were ready to set off, on the insistence of an increasingly impatient Noah. "Noah, don't go too fast, okay? _Papi_ learned to ride a bike only last week, so he can't cycle as well as you yet," Olivia warned him.

"Is that true, _papi_?" Noah asked. Lucy had taught Noah how to cycle at a very young age, so Olivia knew that the idea of an adult man not knowing how to cycle was foreign to him.

"Yes, Noah. I didn't learn how to cycle when I was a boy."

"Why?" Olivia turned to Rafael, hoping that it didn't hit a raw nerve for him, but surprisingly, Rafael took Noah in his arms and answered calmly and lovingly.

"Well... when I was a boy, my _papi_ didn't allow me to have a bicycle, so I didn't learn how to ride a bike. But your mom taught me how to ride one last week, because I wanted to cycle with you today," he beamed proudly.

"Yay! So you can ride bikes with mommy and me today?" Noah squealed.

"Yes, _mijo_. I can't wait. You can show me how well you cycle!" Olivia melted a little. Teaching her husband to ride a bicycle within two weekends wasn't easy by any measure, but she knew how hard he had tried for their son's sake, and her heart swelled with pride. 

"Come on, Noah. Let's go and look for the long slides!" Rafael climbed onto his bike and rode off confidently, Noah and Olivia not far behind. She glanced at Rafael from time to time, making sure that he wasn't going too fast or on the verge of falling, but he was cycling like a pro, and happily chatting with their son.

The sun was shining, the breeze gentle and inviting, and the two most important men in her life were having the time of the lives. _It really doesn't get much better than this_ , she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently working on more angst/jealousy ficlets or ficlets mentioning other characters (e.g. Rollisi, Calhola) for this collection - they take slightly longer for me to write (fluff always comes to me faster), but i hope to have a couple up by this weekend!


	7. Bethesda Terrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's a pretty cliche place, but i love Bethesda Terrace and think it's incredibly romantic and beautiful. i've also wanted to write about *that* Barson scene, and thought i'd come up with something hopeful/happy because a part of me is still not over The Undiscovered Country.
> 
> fingers crossed that we'll get some nice Barson interactions when Raul guest-stars in S22!

**Bethesda Terrace (Central Park)**

_What were you going to say to me that day, Rafa?_

_What do you mean?_

_Outside the courthouse… the day you left._

_Liv…_

A grey bubble popped up at the bottom of the screen. Olivia found herself holding her breath as he typed for what seemed like an eternity.

_I think we need to talk about that in person_.

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat and typed.

_When_?

* * *

Fall had finally descended upon New York City. Olivia took Noah’s hand in hers as they strolled down Central Park West. Usually she’d be hesitant to make Noah walk such a great distance, but the weather was so lovely that day that he wasn’t complaining. Twenty minutes later, she dropped him off at Sheep’s Meadow, where Rollins and Carisi were already waiting with a picnic and frisbee. Noah took off the instant he saw Frannie, and Olivia departed after Amanda and Sonny promised to drop Noah off at Olivia’s apartment that evening.

“Where are you headed now?” Amanda had asked her as she walked away.

“I’m going to tend to some personal matters,” she said casually. Amanda and Sonny didn’t probe and watched as she headed in the direction of Bethesda Terrace.

Olivia’s typically brisk walking speed slowed as the arches came in sight. Dodging groups of selfie-taking tourists and joggers catching their breaths, she took a seat by the fountain and clasped her shaking hands. She’d been nervous about the meeting all night and done her best to hide her anxiety by focussing on Noah. Now that she was alone, the waves of anxiety returned. She thought she was going to throw up.

She recognised him from afar, even without his usual get-up of suspenders and three-piece suits. There were flecks of grey in his hair and he’d grown a little stubble, but there was no doubt it was him: _Rafael Barba_. Months since she’d last seen him in the flesh, their only communication via text or Skype. Sure, they both knew what the other was up to - business as usual for Olivia, non-profit work and teaching in Washington DC for Rafael - but something still felt missing from their communication. Words unspoken, feelings unaddressed, loose ends not tied up.

He had finished his contract and was back in New York City. She had to know once and for all, what he wanted to say to her that cold winter's day outside 60 Centre Street.

Now he stood in front of her, ready to _finally_ finish that sentence.

"Rafa..." was all she could manage as she drank in the sight of him.

"Liv..." He reached out to embrace her, eyes watering. She let herself drink in the smell of his Terre D'Hermes, and her anxiety instantly melted away in his arms. "I missed you so much." 

"I missed you too," Olivia whispered. For months her heart had ached every time she thought of him, but she knew that he needed the time away. It wasn't her place to rush him, and she knew he was grateful for that. She took a good look at her best friend, now visibly more relaxed, well-rested and confident, and a far cry from the broken man he was just a few months ago.

They stood in front of the fountain with bated breath, until he gently placed his hands on her waist, looked her right in the eye, and said, this time with happy tears glistening in his eyes, "I'm you now, Liv. You opened my heart, and I thank you for it."

The cold winter's morning flashed through her memory like it was yesterday. Her skin tingled hearing the exact same words he'd said once more, this time without the sadness of a seismic, life-changing trial. She knew he was ready.

"And...?" she said softly, her face full of hope.

"I love you, Olivia Benson."

He pressed his lips to hers, and she melted into him. 


	8. JFK Airport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael saves the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since we can't travel for the foreseeable future, here's a travel-themed ficlet! also, it’s the first ficlet in this collection that takes place outside of Manhattan (mostly).

**JFK Airport**

"I can't believe you paid over $1000 for a suitcase," Olivia grumbled as she and Rafael walked through the terminal, his flashy silver Rimowa suitcase in tow.

"It was an _investment_. And a pretty good one, at that. I've had this bag for 10 years and it's still going strong." He slapped the suitcase proudly. "It's gone everywhere with me - Cuba, LA, Europe..."

Olivia rubbed her eyes and tried to think of a witty comeback, but it was 6am and her brain wasn't working. She and Rafael were at JFK catching a flight to an international policing conference in London. They'd toiled over their presentation on victim advocacy for the last fortnight, so all that was left was actually getting to the UK in one piece.

"How are you flying in that outfit?" Rafael didn't look much different from his daily office look - three-piece suit, suspenders, polished shoes, gelled hair. On the other hand, Olivia cared too little about looking good for the flight to wear anything fancy. She had to put Noah back to bed after saying goodbye to him that morning, leaving her with little time to get ready. "People will probably wonder if we're actually travelling together." She did look rather odd next to him in her oversized sweater, jeans and Keds, but couldn't be bothered to change.

Rafael chuckled. "I always dress up to fly. Helps me get an upgrade sometimes. Plus, I hear that Londoners are pretty damn stylish."

“I certainly hope we get an upgrade today. I could use it.”

“Same here. And there’s better coffee in Business Class,” he added as they stepped up to the check-in desk.

“Good morning. Passports, please?” the attendant asked.

Rafael pulled his out from his jacket pocket while Olivia fished in her purse. The pocket she always used for her passport was empty. _Shit._ She rummaged through its contents again, searching in vain for the small blue booklet - the one thing keeping them from taking off.

“Liv, everything okay?” he asked, noticing her frazzled manner.

“I don’t have my passport with me,” she said quietly. Rafael asked the attendant to give them a minute, took his passport back, and pulled Olivia aside.

“Let’s check your bags again. Maybe you packed it into your suitcase by mistake?” Olivia opened her suitcase and searched its contents while Rafael checked her purse again, to no avail. “We have plenty of time. If your passport really isn’t here, we still have time to sort this out.”

One more thorough check later, they came to the disappointing conclusion that Olivia indeed hadn’t brought her passport with her. They called the Uber driver from earlier, but it wasn’t in his car, leaving them with two possible places for it - Olivia’s desk, or her apartment.

Olivia hated this. She was used to being organised and meticulous in her packing, and couldn’t believe that she had slipped up on something as simple - and essential - as her goddamn passport.

“Do you remember where you left it? When did you last use it?”

“God, I don’t remember. I think it was when I went to Paris with Ed, but I may have brought it to the precinct to make a photocopy for 1PP. I’m so sorry, Rafa. You should just go and clear TSA now; I’ll catch the next flight out of New York,” she rambled. Panic flooded her system. Would she be late for the conference if she caught the next flight, whenever it was? Would there even be seats for the next flight? Exhausted and anxious, she buried her head in her hands, not caring that she was breaking down in front of their ADA.

“Liv, breathe.” He put a strong hand on her shoulder and gently rubbed it. “How about you call Lucy and ask her to check the drawers in your apartment, as a start? If she doesn’t find it, we’ll get an Uber to the precinct and back.”

“That’s a good start,” Olivia finally managed. She dialled Lucy’s number with shaking hands. No answer. She tried again. Still no answer.

“Shit!” she groaned. 6.15am. It was reasonable for Lucy to be asleep, especially after waking up at 3am to head to Olivia’s apartment to watch Noah.

“Okay, how about we try the precinct and see if anyone from the squad is there?” Rafael suggested. His assertive, business-like tone was actually calming her. She took a deep breath and dialled the precinct phone.

“SVU,” an unfamiliar voice responded.

“This is Lieutenant Benson. Are any of my detectives around?” she asked who she assumed was the night receptionist.

“Sorry Lieutenant, no one’s in yet. Should I ask them to call you back later?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” She hung up angrily.

“I checked Google Maps while you were calling. It looks like a round trip to either your place or the precinct will take slightly over an hour in this traffic.”

“I don’t have time to try both places,” she said, defeated.

“But _we_ have time to try both places. You can go to your apartment; I’ll try the precinct," he said calmly.

“Are you sure, Rafael? I don’t want to risk both of us missing the flight.”

“It’s better than not trying at all. And I’m sure we’ll find a way. There are so many flights to London every single day,” he said calmly as he called an Uber. He had a point. She trusted him, and decided to call an Uber herself.

"How are you so calm?!" she demanded while waiting for the app to pair her with a driver.

"Crisis management is my forte. Especially after all the curveballs you throw me at work," he winked. She rolled her eyes, but was grateful to have him with her to handle their current crisis.

Ten minutes later, having stowed their luggage at the airport, they zoomed off in the direction of Manhattan. In the car, Olivia ran through all the possible places it could be. Home safe. Box under the bed. Office drawer. Precinct locker. She couldn’t remember for the life of her, and it annoyed her to no end. How had she messed up so badly?

Thank goodness for Rafael and his calm mind - she’d have lost it right there in the terminal if she had been alone. It was so like him to calmly and methodically work through their cases; an attitude she now realised came in handy for many situations in life.

After begging the driver to go as fast as he could, she pulled up at the door of her apartment building in record time, and sprinted into the elevator. A sleeping Lucy woke up to her employer frantically searching through her bedside drawers, but there was no sign of the passport. Lucy joined in the search and they practically turned the bedroom upside down, but it soon became apparent that the passport was indeed in the office.

Olivia climbed back into the Uber and answered a call from Rafael.

“Liv, there was burst pipe three blocks from the precinct and traffic is blocked while they're clearing it up. I’m going to have to run the rest of the way. Is the passport likely to be in your office drawer?” She heard the car door slam and his footsteps hit the pavement.

“I couldn’t find it at home, so it must be there,” she said. “Check all the drawers on the right. If it’s not there, it’s probably in the cabinet behind my chair.”

“Okay, got it.” He hung up, probably to focus on running, and Olivia looked at the time. Slightly over an hour to go before takeoff. She prayed he would make it as her Uber took her back to JFK, wondering if flashing her badge at the desk would convince them to delay the flight by a few minutes. She hoped she wouldn’t have to play that card.

Ten endless minutes later, Rafael called back. “I got it, Liv. It was in your desk drawer. I’m heading back to the airport now. Call you back soon," he said quickly. Before she could thank him profusely for finding it, he hung up, probably to run back to the nearest unblocked street corner to call another Uber.

Twenty minutes later, Olivia pulled up at JFK with little time to spare - forty minutes to take-off. She knew the check-in counter was closing, but according to the tracker Rafael had shared with her, he was a few miles away. She looked for her badge, thankful that she'd remembered to pack it, and walked to the counter as confidently as she possibly could.

"Hi, I have two tickets for the 8.30am flight to London. Can I check if it's departing on time?" she asked first, hoping that a delay would buy them at least ten more precious minutes.

The attendant furrowed her eyebrows and glanced at the screen. "Yes, check-in is about to close. Have your tickets been issued?"

No choice now. She pulled out her badge and cleared her throat. "Not yet, but my Assistant District Attorney and I are travelling for police business and need to be on that flight." It was technically true. A conference wasn't a life-or-death matter, but it _was_ official police business.

The attendant looked at Olivia and her badge nervously. "I'll have to contact my supervisor." Olivia felt terrible for pulling the police card for a mistake she'd made, but Rafael was ten minutes away from JFK and she needed to stall the airline enough to check in for the flight. As long as they checked in, they'd probably be fine, even if it meant missing breakfast.

The attendant hung up and turned back to Olivia. "Ma'am - I mean, Lieutenant Benson - we can wait for ten more minutes before we _must_ close check-in. That's the best we can do."

Olivia let herself heave a sigh of relief. Ten minutes wasn't a lot, but Rafael was a few minutes away. He'd probably make it back to the check-in counter in a smidge under ten minutes' time.

"Thank you, Stacy," she replied, noting the name on her tag and making a mental note to send positive feedback to the airline when she landed. "I'll wait for my ADA to arrive."

She wrangled her and Rafael's luggage (why was his bag so heavy? Had to be the suits) to a nearby bench and kept her eyes peeled to her phone. The Uber app said that he was just pulling into the airport - thank God he was headed for the right terminal. Three minutes to go. She looked towards the building entrance expectantly, praying he'd make it.

Two minutes to go. She got up from the bench and put her jacket back on, ready to dash back to the counter.

One minute. Finally, a very sweaty Rafael Barba burst through the doors of the terminal, clutching his briefcase in one hand, and two navy blue passports in the other. Without delay, Olivia sprang up from her seat and met him at the counter, flashing her badge (again) to cut the check-in line for the next flight.

"Two for London," he panted, slapping their passports on the counter.

"Thank God," she sighed, as Stacy printed their tickets and checked their bags.

"You're just in time, Lieutenant Benson and Mr. Barba. Please proceed straight to security and the gate. You'll be allowed to cut the TSA line." She hastily thanked Stacy for the trouble and they dashed off - thankfully, they both had TSA Pre-Check - towards the gate.

Before they knew it, they were seated on the plane - Economy seats, no time for an upgrade - with empty stomachs, but nonetheless on time and in one piece. They caught their breaths and calmed down after their sweaty sprint through the terminal, silently processing all that had just happened.

Olivia broke the silence first. "Rafael, I'm so sorry for making you do that. Thank you for getting the passport for me."

"I'm pretty sure I messed up your office, and am now running on zero coffee, so that should be punishment enough for you," he chuckled as he wiped the sweat from his brow. "Seriously, Liv, it's fine. I'm just glad we made it onto the flight."

Rafael was being so nice and kind to her and she couldn't understand why. She'd sent him on a wild ride to and from Manhattan, and made him _sprint_ to the precinct - six blocks to and fro - just to correct her mistake. Tears sprang to her eyes and she couldn't tell if she was feeling guilty, sad, touched, or relieved - perhaps a combination of all four. "I was a mess today. Why are you being so nice to me?" She wiped a tear from her stinging, exhaustion-filled eyes.

He noticed her crying and instinctively reached over to put an arm around her. "Liv, don't cry. All that matters is that we made it. I'd happily do this for you any time." Rafael looked at her, silently telling her, _It's okay_.

Olivia sniffled. "I don't know what I would have done without you here, Rafael. Thank you."

"Let's get some rest and focus on enjoying our time in London, okay? There are so many places I'd like to show you..."

"You've been to London before?"

"Did a semester abroad in college and it was _amazing_. You're going to love it - and I know just where to get a souvenir for Noah," he replied excitedly.

She cracked a small smile and let herself relax into her seat, momentarily forgetting about the passport drama. "Thanks for thinking about Noah."

There was something so tender, so kind about Rafael's smile; the way he stilled and grounded her, and somehow always made things better. She feared being so vulnerable around him that morning, but now she was sure that he wasn't judging her. 

"Please fasten your seatbelts and ensure your tray table is securely stowed..."

She leaned back in her seat, her mind finally at ease after one hell of a morning, and feeling secure and safe knowing Rafael was with her every step of the way.

As the plane taxied along the runway and took off, Olivia shut her eyes, but let her right hand find his. Inhaling deeply, she wrapped her fingers around Rafael's, and held her breath until he gripped hers back.

There was so much they could have said to each other, but they didn't need to exchange words. She felt his lips gently brush against her cheek, soft and warm, and smiled contentedly.

It was going to be an _amazing_ trip.


	9. Park Avenue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia will be fine if Rafael breaks up with her. But her heart isn't the only one he'll break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess this is angst (with a happy ending)? or hurt/comfort? i tried to make it as non-cheesy as possible!
> 
> this is a pseudo-songfic based on Ingrid Andress' gorgeous song, More Hearts Than Mine! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_A8Zjwr9m0&ab_channel=IngridAndress)

**Park Avenue**

> _If we break up, I'll be fine_
> 
> _But you'll be breaking more hearts than mine_

Thunder crashed and rain soaked the streets of New York City. Rafael Barba sat on the couch of his Park Avenue condominium and gazed out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that afforded him a stunning view of Central Park, now unappealing and virtually empty. He'd usually pour himself a glass of scotch, but it was far too cold for that, and he settled for a steaming mug of Cuban coffee that he saved only for special days, which he savoured as a companion to his brand new copy of _Educated_ by Tara Westover - a gift from his teacher mother.

Rafael glanced at his phone, half-expecting his usual 9.30pm text from Olivia, who usually put Noah to bed at 9 and never failed to check in after that. Even if she was busy at work or Noah was being difficult, she'd send a single emoji or photo at the very least, just to let him know that she was alive and well. 9.50pm and still nothing. _Should I call her?_ he debated internally, thumb hovering over her name. But he glanced at the rain outside his window, and figured that she was caught in it somewhere, which would explain things, hopefully.

He recalled the events of the previous two days. Olivia had been uncharacteristically cold to him - even when he paid a visit to her office during her lunch break. He couldn't think of what he'd possibly done to anger his girlfriend of a month. The possibilities drove him crazy, but he also deduced that stress could be work-related, and didn't want to impose unless she came to him for a warrant or guidance on their case. It was one of the ways they managed their budding relationship at work - otherwise, they'd take all their work home with them and live with a cloud of worry over their bed.

But this felt different. He sensed that Olivia was trying to push him away somehow; there was a wall between them he hadn't previously felt existed. She turned down his offers to cook spaghetti for Noah _and_ get drinks after court, but it was so early in their relationship he didn't feel it'd be appropriate to push the subject. He knew that her dating history was a difficult subject for her, and if she didn’t bring up the subject first, he wasn’t going to impose - not that early in their relationship.

10.15pm and no texts from her. He was starting to get worried, and picked up his phone to give her a call. However, he was interrupted by the chime of his doorbell. _Who the hell is here at this hour?_ He wasn't expecting visitors - and certainly not on a rainy day like this one. He got up and looked through the peephole, and jumped when he saw the drenched, downtrodden figure of a panting Olivia Benson at his doorstep, holding an umbrella that did little to shield her from the elements.

The door flew open, but Olivia didn't say a word. "Liv! What are you doing here? Did you run all the way here? Goodness, you're soaked..." He tried to usher her inside for a towel and change of clothes, but she wouldn't budge. Rafael moved closer to her and noticed the tears that streamed down her face, mingling with the drops of rain.

She took a deep breath. "I need to tell you something, Rafael," she blurted out, her voice cold and emotionless despite her tears.

"Did I do something wrong, Liv?" He stepped closer to her, but she didn't move an inch, her eyes fixed on his face. "Please, tell me," he begged, anxiety and fear coursing through his veins.

"Rafael... if we're going to be in a relationship, I need you to be all _in."_ She took another deep breath and continued before he could interject. "If you want me, you get Noah too."

"If we ever break up, I can move on. I'll be fine eventually. But you'll break Noah's heart more than mine, and I can't have that. I can get over you. But Noah can't. He already loves you and he's going to grow up with you as his only father figure. I can't have his heart broken if you leave. So if you have even the slightest doubt about that - about us - please walk away now. Please," she implored, her steely demeanour collapsing and voice filling with emotion as she talked.

"Liv..." he started, too stunned to process what she'd just told him.

"Leave me. Leave us. I can't continue... this... if you... I want to know sooner than later," her sobs growing increasingly heavy.

"Liv! Listen to me," he said urgently. He looked her right in the eye, his hands never leaving her shoulders. "I _am_ all in. I know I'm not the best with babies, or children, or being a dad, but I'm going to try my hardest, Liv. And I'm not going to leave you like that... because I can't. I love you. I love Noah like he's my own son."

He felt her relax just a little, but he still wanted her to be 100% sure of what he was saying. "I'm not going to give up on you and Noah. I want to be the father figure he's never had. I give you my word; I don't want to break either of your hearts, Liv. And if you don't believe me now, I'll prove it to you both."

For a few seconds Olivia didn't move an inch, her face frozen with what looked like a mix of shock, surprise and adoration. Rafael took the opportunity to hold her close to him, not caring that his sweatshirt was getting soaked with rain. "I love you, Rafael," she whispered.

"Shhh, it's okay." He rubbed her back, calming her down. "Do you want to come in and get dry?"

Olivia nodded and he ushered her inside. She shed her wet coat and boots, and he handed her a towel and some clean clothes. His old Harvard sweatshirt and yoga pants didn't quite fit her, but she was happy to be warm and dry, with a steaming mug of herbal tea in her hand and Rafael sitting across her on the couch.

"I can't believe you ran across town in the rain, Liv. I don't want you to catch a cold."

"I'm sorry for showing up like that, Rafa. I just had to be sure..."

"Liv, I know you did this for Noah. You don't have to say sorry for that. Come here." He gestured for her to slide over next to him on the couch and wrapped an arm around her. She let herself sink into him, his warmth embracing her. She felt _safe_ in his arms.

“I just had to be sure. That's why... I was being so distant, and all... ”

“I know.”

“I’m sure now.” She turned to him and looked him right in the eyes again. “Thank you.”

“Do you need to get back home to Noah?” he asked nervously, not wanting her to feel obliged to stay. It was late and he wondered if Lucy was up waiting for Olivia to return. He wanted her to stay, desperately so, but understood that Noah was a priority for her. For _them._

“Lucy has him. She’s staying over because the rain is so heavy. Which means I can stay here,” she smiled.

He kissed her gently. “I’m so glad that you came over tonight.”

“Even though I was a mess when I got here?”

“No, not at all. You look beautiful regardless of the weather.” She blushed slightly and he brought a hand to her cheek, caressing it. “But I’m glad you said all of that, Liv. You’re an amazing mother. And I’m not going to take that away from you, ever. I love that little boy _and_ his mama.”

Olivia felt herself start to tear up. How had she gotten so lucky? She started to think that it was all fate - for years she’d gotten into relationships that never stuck, and adopted Noah thinking she’d be a single parent for the rest of her life. But Rafael Barba changed that plan by tumbling into her life during some of the lowest lows of her life, and standing by her even though she’d been thoroughly broken and downtrodden.

“You’ve had a long day, Liv. How about we get some sleep?”

“Can we sleep in the bedroom? It’s cold and I really don’t want to sleep on the couch,” she asked nervously, hoping that he’d be comfortable with that.

“Of course, _mi amor._ ” He helped her up, grabbed the blanket that was covering them, and led her to the bedroom.

The rain crashed outside and they could hear the wind howl as they climbed into his bed. He powered down the lights and reached for her. She sank into his arms once again and they drifted off to sleep, their breaths becoming one. For the first time in their relationship, Olivia was sure that she could - and wanted to - build a home with Rafael Barba, and she knew he felt just the same.


	10. The Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a Barson first date and first kiss, 'nuff said!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always wish i'd gotten a chance to go on a date at the Met - i think it'd be a really romantic and peaceful date location when it isn't too crowded! i've always imagined Barba as a museum and/or art fan, or at least someone with pretty high-brow hobbies and interests, and wanted to give Barson a first date and kiss that didn't involve anything police-related. 
> 
> also, shout-out to joyfulmariskahgt for all your sweet comments <3

**The Metropolitan Museum of Art**

She found him on the steps of the Met in a crisp, freshly pressed, tan blazer, phone in hand and uncharacteristically relaxed. His eyes lit up when he laid eyes on her, clad in a floral dress. He'd never seen her dress that casually outside her apartment, and she looked _stunning_.

"Hi," he managed, barely above a whisper.

"Rafael," she beamed. He touched the small of her back and she felt electricity course through her body.

"Lost for words, Barba? This is unlike you."

"We're not in court, Liv. I can shut up once in a while and admire how gorgeous my date looks."

Olivia felt her cheeks flush as he took her hand and led her up the stairs. She hadn't blushed like that in years - it reminded her of a more innocent time in high school. "Thank you. You're not looking too bad yourself."

"Even without the suspenders?" He'd caught her staring at them multiple times since starting work with SVU, but decided to shed them for their date - suspenders meant work, and he wanted to show a different side to him. It was their first _real_ date, away from the precinct and courthouse and Forlini's, after all.

"Do we need tickets?" she asked. "Sorry, I haven't been here in ages."

He led her towards a counter in the corner of the Great Hall. "It's usually Pay-As-You-Wish for New Yorkers, but we don't have to worry about that. I have Met membership. Guest comes free."

"Trying to save money on my ticket, huh?" she teased.

"What made you think I was going to pay for your ticket? I _am_ a feminist icon, after all. Your words," he retorted with a twinkle in his eye. She felt the tension between them - borne solely out of first date jitters - melt a little, knowing that the fast-paced banter that formed the basis of their working relationship worked just as well outside their offices.

"I'm not surprised at all that you have Met membership."

"It's perfect for charming my dates," he quipped, emphasising the plural. Olivia stared at him, wondering if he was serious or not, but he quickly corrected himself to expunge any doubt from her mind. " _Date_. I'm an art fan. But you're the first guest I've brought here who isn't my mother," he added a little sheepishly.

"Well, it's working. I haven't been here in years and would love to see the museum properly. And I'm looking forward to all the smart things I'm _sure_ you'll have to say about the art."

"I majored in English, not Art History, Liv. But I do appreciate a good painting or Greek sculpture." Tickets and stickers collected, Olivia let Rafael lead the way.

They strolled into the Greek and Roman Art gallery, admiring the way the sunlight caressed the marble figures. He let go of her hand to caress the small of her back again, and again she felt the electricity in his touch course through her. It was different from the arm touches and reassuring pats on the back they had shared many a time in the precinct or courthouse; in the quiet peacefulness of the gallery, the touch felt intimate and intentional. Olivia snuck furtive glances at him, his piercing green eyes full of adoration for the artwork before them, his usually twitchy and fidgety body at complete ease looking at the art _and_ touching her. It was all so new to her, yet it felt intensely familiar and natural. 

She let him hold her hand as he they strolled from gallery to gallery. They paused in front of Monet's _Water Lilies_ , Rafael describing Monet's history and technique like a seasoned pro. They sat in silence in the Chinese Garden Court, hands clasped and her head resting on his shoulder. He trailed her faithfully as she excitedly walked around the Temple of Dendur. Every time they touched, she felt her skin tingle; when he made intelligent remarks about what they were looking at, she felt herself melt and her heart swell with admiration. She knew he was smart and excelled at his job, but seeing Rafael so in his element in a place so far removed from a courtroom or squad room, so utterly charming yet gentle and personable, only increased her adoration of her ADA and best friend.

Rafael was conscious not to talk too much - he didn't want to scare the woman he'd waited for so long to take out on a _real_ date. But Olivia was so fascinated with his babble and impassioned speeches about modernist artwork and classical sculpture - even enthralled - that he felt at ease. Occasionally he had to take a moment to compose himself, in disbelief that he was on a date with Olivia Benson and touching her, not as friendly colleagues, but as something promisingly _more_. He loved the way the sunlight illuminated her face through the glass windows, her calm and warm smile and eyes, and just how _comfortable_ they felt around each other.

Two people so hardened by their jobs, enjoying a serene afternoon far away from the horrors they saw day in and day out.

As the sun dipped, they stepped onto the rooftop terrace and drank in the Manhattan skyline. She leaned against the parapet, brown eyes gleaming in the sunset, as Rafael held her close - so close that he could smell her perfume.

"Thank you for today. I had a lovely time, Rafa," she said quietly, letting his pet name slip out.

He smiled, his eyes lighting up with gratitude. "Thank _you_ for agreeing to come with me, Liv. I really enjoyed your company."

There was no better time to do it - wind in their hair, the golden sunset illuminating Central Park and the skyscrapers in the distance, and the contented silence they were enjoying. He took her hand, brushed her hair away from her face, and planted a kiss on her cheek. Chaste, but intimate, and they both knew what exactly it meant.

_A new beginning. New possibilities. Something more than what they already had._

She tightened her grip on his hand, her body and mind recovering from the feeling of his lips against her skin, but still craving something more. He'd done so much to organise their date and enthral her all afternoon; now it was her turn to make a leap. The view was too beautiful and the evening too picturesque to pass up this opportunity. Throwing caution to the wind, she leaned in again - so close that she knew she'd smell like Terre D'Hermes after - and pressed her lips to his, feeling him caress them back.

They pulled apart, green eyes meeting brown. For a split second she wanted to ask if that was okay with him, even apologise, but she didn't have to. He cracked a giddy smile; she heaved a small sigh of relief and let him hold her. They watched the sun dip below the buildings in a peaceful silence, letting the evening slowly embrace them. It was the best first date either of them had ever been on, but there was still so much to look forward to, and their skin tingled just imagining the possibilities.

That night, as she climbed into bed, Olivia Benson would tell herself that she'd fallen in love with Rafael Barba. Across the city, Rafael Barba would tell himself the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't a Met member, so i hope i got the details right - i'd expect Barba to have premium-tier membership that allows both guests and after-hours special admission!


	11. LaGuardia Airport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whenever i rewatch SVU i'm increasingly convinced that Rafael is crushing *hard* on Olivia throughout, so i thought it'd be fun to write a little drabble about Olivia feeling desire. (no smut here - i'm still too self-conscious to try that!)
> 
> i'd rate this a light T!
> 
> this is loosely based on Make Out With Me by Maren Morris (not a songfic, though).

**LaGuardia Airport**

An hour until his flight landed. Two until he got home.

Olivia took slow sips of her Cabernet, basking in the silence of the apartment. Too silent, perhaps. Noah was at Lucia's for the weekend, learning how to make _pastelitos_. Rafael was returning from a law conference in Chicago, and his week-long absence felt like an eternity. Never in their year-long relationship had they spent so much time apart.

She recalled the morning he'd left. Lucy had a last-minute project to get out of the way, leaving Olivia to take Noah to school. Then Noah had forgotten his school planner, and she'd left her cell phone behind when they headed back to the apartment to retrieve it. By the time she'd sorted out her morning, he had to rush off to the airport, without the opportunity for a kiss or hug goodbye.

It'd bothered her for the whole week, but his impending return set her nerves on fire.

In her tipsy reverie, she shut her eyes and imagined the taste of his lips on hers. Their bed was too big without him. She craved him - his caresses, their intimacy. All she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and plunge her tongue into his mouth, feeling the roughness of his stubble against her chin and strong arms wrapped around her back. She wanted to smell his cologne and run her fingers through his hair and feel electricity course through her body as his green eyes pierced hers.

Remembering how his bare skin felt against hers drove her crazy.

Two hours until he'd burst through the door, but that felt like too long. There was only one thing left for her to do.

She picked up her jacket and phone, and called for an Uber to take her to LaGuardia.


	12. Hudson River Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a sporting incident. Trevor Langan is an asshole (sorry).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my longest chapter yet, feat. appearances by Rollisi, Calhola, Melinda Warner and Trevor Langan! takes place before Noah's adoption. 
> 
> also, i don't actually play basketball, so please forgive me if i got any parts of the game wrong!

**Hudson River Park**

The sun was setting over the Hudson River, bathing the park in gorgeous orange and pink hues, but Rafael wasn’t in any mood to pay attention.

“Barba! Ball!” he heard Trevor Langan shout. He half-heartedly made an attempt to dive for the incoming ball, but it slipped past him and bounced straight into Amanda’s hands. Fin, Trevor and Sonny groaned audibly. “Come on, Barba, not again!”

“Sorry, guys,” he mumbled apologetically as they rolled their eyes. “Carisi, don’t roll your eyes. You dropped the ball the last time!”

Basketball was NOT Rafael’s sport, and he still couldn’t believe that the squad had somehow dragged him, Rita Calhoun, and Trevor Langan, of all people, along on this outing. Rita being there made sense even if she hated sport - she was dating Fin. And it wasn't much of a stretch to invite their ADA and ME along either.

Trevor Langan, however? That was a different story. Everyone knew he was a long-time acquaintance of Olivia and helping her with Noah's adoption paperwork, but judging from the way Trevor gazed at and fawned over her, it looked like a lot more than just a simple legal partnership.

It annoyed Rafael to no end.

Rafael still wished that they’d agreed to mini golf at Pier 25 instead - at least he'd excel at that and not be shouted at by the men for being the worst on the team, or watch helplessly as Olivia, Amanda, Melinda and Rita - even Rita Calhoun! - dribbled circles around him.

More specifically, Rafael. He berated himself for not looking up the rules of basketball earlier. Fin was extremely athletic for his age, Sonny made up for his clumsiness with sheer enthusiasm, and Trevor Langan was just infuriatingly tall. He had to be 6'5", probably? In any case, he towered over Rafael. It wouldn't have bothered him that much if they weren't playing _basketball_.

Sonny decided to call a short break and Rafael angrily sipped his Evian, watching as Trevor offered Olivia a towel and bites of his protein bar. She looked absolutely charmed by the defense attorney - he hadn't realised that she and Langan were that close. He'd heard from Fin that the two of them went way back and that Trevor had even defended Olivia in the past, but seeing the two of them so close bothered Rafael.

Rafael recognised jealousy when he felt it. He had no doubts about the strength of his friendship with Olivia Benson, and _almost_ felt ready to tell her about his feelings for her - until Trevor Langan showed up and made him question _everything_. Trevor had many things going for him: his height, good looks, gentle nature. He didn't work with Olivia, so they wouldn't have to worry as much about disclosing their relationship to 1PP.

And of course, he was drawing up Noah's adoption paperwork, which meant he was fulfilling Olivia's dream of becoming a mother.

Rafael gritted his teeth and glanced at his Apple Watch. 6.45pm. Not long more until they had to vacate the court, and everyone could finally adjourn to Greenwich Village for dinner. _Maybe I should give it a miss if Trevor is joining us_ , he thought, as Sonny blew the whistle he brought ("It makes the match seem more official!") and restarted the game. Rafael dragged his feet, not ready to leave his spot at the side of the court. There was zero chance that the men would win the game, anyway, so why bother?

"Barba, eyes on the game, please!" Fin yelled, bringing Rafael out of his reverie. "Come on, it's the last stretch."

Rafael wanted to groan loudly, but resisted before Olivia could see. The least he could do was look like a good sport, even if his motivation and determination had run out. He reluctantly jogged back to the centre of the short, trying to ignore Trevor and Olivia playfully tossing the ball around. Thankfully, Fin snatched the ball from Trevor and got the game back on track.

The next few seconds unfolded in slow motion.

Fin tossed the ball towards Sonny, only for it to be snatched by Melinda, and then by Amanda, who dribbled towards the basket, Rafael hot on her heels. "Liv!" she called out, hoping that Olivia would make a shot, but Olivia was distracted (again) by Trevor, who should have been attempting to block any of Olivia’s shots into the net. Technically, he _was_ doing a good of distracting her...

Olivia didn't hear her or see the ball barrelling right at her head.

"Liv!" Rafael shouted instinctively, not caring that she wasn't on his team. She didn't budge, too focussed on laughing at one of Trevor's (likely) inane jokes.

It left Rafael with no choice but to dive right in the path of the ball, which hit him square in the forehead.

“Shit, shit, shit...” Amanda cursed as she ran over to Rafael, who was now lying on the ground in pain. That finally got Olivia and Trevor's attention, and they rushed over.

“Rafael, are you okay?” Olivia's mood changed instantly - no more laughter or mirth. She knelt down next to him and inspected his head, Melinda sprinting over to join her. He winced in pain when she touched it. “Can you see clearly? Are you feeling dizzy or confused?”

Everyone thanked their lucky stars that Melinda was there that day. “It doesn’t look very serious, but I think we should get him checked out at the hospital just in case. He looks out of it.”

When all Rafael could do was grunt incoherently, Melinda made the executive decision to get him to the nearest hospital for a check-up. Amanda gathered their things, Rita helped call an Uber, and Fin and Sonny helped lift Rafael off the ground. Rafael wanted to curse at Trevor Langan for distracting Olivia and causing this accident in the first place, but words eluded him. He shut his eyes, trying to control the throbbing in his head. _God damn, this hurts_. All around him, a commotion was brewing. Rafael tried his best to listen, hoping it'd distract him from the pain.

"This is all your fault, Langan! Barba wouldn't have dived for the ball if you hadn't distracted Liv!" Sonny half-yelled.

“Barba _chose_ to dive for the ball, Carisi," Langan said defensively, his voice full of bitterness.

"Are you seriously _blaming_ Barba for blocking Liv from getting hit by the ball?" Amanda snapped.

"You threw the ball, Rollins!" Langan retorted.

"And I called out to Liv to warn her to catch it! And so did Barba. You were the one distracting her," she snarled back.

"Can we all just shut up and get to the hospital in one piece?" Fin said harshly, finally silencing the group. "We can pick fights over who caused this later, but for now we need to make sure he's okay." Olivia nodded quietly, her eyes filled with guilt.

"I agree. Everyone, quiet," Melinda added. The group fell into an uneasy silence as Melinda inspected Rafael's head closely. "He's still conscious, which is a good sign." Everyone heaved a collective sigh of relief, but the tension in the air made it apparent that this wasn't settled just yet.

Half an hour later, they sat in the waiting room at Mount Sinai as Rafael was being examined by one of Melinda's physician friends. Trevor and Rita went to buy coffee and dinner for the group, leaving the detectives and Melinda alone in the lounge.

Olivia buried her face in her hands. "I feel horrible. Rafael wouldn't have gotten hit if I'd been paying more attention and not goofing around with Trevor."

"No one could have seen this coming, Liv. And I'm sure Rafael's going to be alright," Melinda said assuringly.

"He dove right into the path of the ball..." she said quietly.

"Maybe he was just trying to steal it," Fin suggested, hoping it'd alleviate her guilt. "Perfect opportunity for him to grab the ball while you weren't paying attention."

"He was moping around the entire time, Fin. And he was barely paying attention 20 seconds before he called Liv's name and the ball smacked him in the head. I watched the whole thing go down. I think he did it to prevent Liv from taking the hit," Sonny pointed out, which elicited a glare from Amanda.

Olivia wasn't sure what to think anymore. She knew that Rafael had a special affection for her _and_ that he didn't care enough about sports to actually attempt playing the game properly. She thought about everything that transpired during the game: them arriving at the court, his sour facial expression when he found out that Trevor Langan was joining them and _she_ had invited him, his increasingly sour mood as she exchanged friendly banter with Trevor, his barely-disguised death glares at Trevor...

_God, was Rafael jealous of Trevor?_

The return of the doctor who examined Rafael interrupted her train of thought. "How's he doing, Sara?" Melinda asked.

"Mr. Barba suffered a mild concussion. He was a little confused and disoriented, but we inspected him thoroughly and everything looks fine. He'll need to take a couple of days off work, and we'd like to keep him here for observation for a few more hours just in case."

Olivia's relief didn't go unnoticed by everyone. "Can we see him now?" Sonny asked eagerly.

"Give us twenty minutes more. The nurse will let you in when he's ready."

Trevor and Rita returned with cups of coffee and sandwiches from the cafeteria. "How's Rafael?" Rita asked, her face full of concern for one of her oldest friends.

"He's going to be fine. Mild concussion. We can see him in twenty minutes' time," Melinda clarified.

"Thank God," Trevor added.

"Yeah, you'd better say that, since you caused this mess in the first place," Sonny muttered under his breath.

"It's my fault, guys. I should've paid more attention," Olivia interrupted before anyone else could interject. Rafael's sour facial expressions and generally moody manner filled her mind, and she felt another wave of guilt wash over her.

"Barba didn't have to dive for that ball, you know. He's lucky he's only got a mild concussion," Trevor snapped.

"Not this again," Amanda groaned. "I don't care if you like Barba or not, but can you hold off on blaming him for this while he's lying in that hospital bed?"

"He was so moody and uninterested the whole game and suddenly he dives for the ball to save Liv? Barba was probably trying to play superhero or get into Liv's pants," Trevor retaliated sarcastically.

"Trevor, that really isn't necessary," Olivia implored, anger filling her voice. Everyone turned to glare at him.

"I think I should go. Tell Barba that I send him my regards." Without another word, he turned and stormed away.

"Well, that was inappropriate," Amanda muttered. Olivia winced thinking of that evening's events. How did a simple basketball game turn into a head injury and squabble that seemed like much more than just a professional rivalry between two lawyers?

"I shouldn't have invited Trevor." Olivia said remorsefully.

"Maybe we all should focus on making sure Rafael is alright?" Rita pointed out calmly. Olivia was glad she was around to redirect everyone's attention away from the brewing Barba-Langan tension. She was even more grateful when they were finally allowed to see Rafael - still in pain, but otherwise relatively unscathed. After everyone sent him their regards, Olivia offered to stay until Rafael could be discharged, Melinda offering to entertain Noah for a few hours.

"Where's Langan?" Rafael asked.

"Uh... he left," she said hesitantly.

"I heard what he said in the cab on the way, Liv."

Her face fell. "Rafael, you know it's not your fault." At least he hadn't heard the squabble in the waiting room.

"I never liked the guy. I have a real reason to now," he said dryly.

"Rafael... why did you dive in the way of the ball?" she asked gently. She framed it like a rhetorical question, but didn't lie to herself - she wanted to know the actual answer.

"Carisi's guess was pretty spot-on." He evaded eye contact.

"Thank you, Rafael. For doing that. Your injury... it’s on me.”

"It's not on you, Liv. It was just an unfortunate accident." He smiled, but he knew very well that it wasn't just an "accident".

"I owe you one."

"You're sitting here with me while I nurse this gigantic forehead bruise, so we're even." He smiled at her, and she let some of her guilt melt away. "Sorry if I made things weird between you and Langan."

"It's fine. Honestly, I'm not happy with how he acted. I shouldn't have invited him. This is going to make things seriously awkward from now on." She grimaced recalling what Langan had said in the waiting room earlier, which didn't go unnoticed by Rafael's watchful eye.

"What did he say to you all? When I was getting my head inspected." Nothing got past him. He knew she was holding back, and there wasn't any point keeping it from him - he'd find out eventually.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"I've been insulted by perps and defense lawyers - even judges - for as long as I can remember. Langan's hardly a threat."

"He accused you of playing superhero... and trying to get into my pants." She turned bright red. It sounded especially cringe-worthy from her.

Rafael sighed. "You believe him?"

"I'm not going to lie, I think there's _some_ truth to what he said. Is there?" Olivia tried her hardest to ensure it didn't come out interrogatively. She realised she was gripping the railing of Rafael's bed out of nervousness and paused, the question hanging in the air and tension so thick they could cut it with a knife. She looked at him expectantly, hoping he’d finally prove her long-held suspicion.

_It’s now or never._

"I'm not trying to get into your pants, Liv. I mean, I am, kinda..." _What the fuck am I saying?_ "I think you know what I feel about you...”

He berated himself for sounding like a chicken-shit. He'd rehearsed this moment in his head countless times, only to fuck it up when he _actually_ got the chance to say it.

Olivia barely resisted her urge to giggle. He felt some of his anxiety disappear. Rafael Barba, at a loss for words? "Cat's got your tongue, Counselor?"

"This gigantic bruise is responsible for my current lack of eloquence. But not for anything else." He laughed, but one look in his eyes and she knew he meant business.

There were a million things she could have said, but she didn't say a word. She brushed his hair, now messy, out of his face, and planted a gentle kiss right next to his bruise, and another one on his cheek. He held his breath and felt his body flood with excitement with even the slightest of contact from her.

"I never thought that I'd finally tell you what I felt about you from a hospital bed."

"Please don't ever dive in front of a ball for me again. You'll give me a heart attack."

"How else will we squabble at 85?"

She smiled, remembering that conversation in her office. “I’ll make sure I don’t see you at work for the next few days. You need to rest,” she added seriously.

“I’m glad to have 3 days off.”

“Rafael Barba, _willingly_ not working? Wow, this injury really is messing with your head,” she joked.

“3 whole days to think about where to take you on our first date.”

She almost gasped. Here he was, lying in a hospital bed, but still smooth enough to sweep her off her feet. She wanted to reach out and embrace him, but decided to wait until she could give him a _proper hug_. “I’ll look forward to it, then.”

She pulled the chair she was sitting on closer to his bedside and gently ran her fingers through his hair, careful not to come into contact with his forehead.

“Maybe I should send Langan a fruit basket,” she remarked.

“Why?”

“To thank him for _finally_ getting a certain someone to say what I've been suspecting for ages.”

They laughed, acknowledging the inane chain of events that led to this very moment, but also cognisant of how serendipitous it was that things had ended up this way.

* * *

“Hey Liv, are you still at the hospital?” Amanda asked over the phone.

“Just left. Heading home now.”

“How’s Barba doing?”

“Things are pretty good. I think he’s going to be fine.”

She looked at the man sitting beside her in the backseat of the cab, their hands clasped. He smiled and she felt his grip on her hand tighten.

"Oh, he's going to be _more_ than fine."


	13. Prospect Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael have an *memorable* experience dog-sitting for Amanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to Brooklyn, everyone! 
> 
> light T for language

**Prospect Park**

"Thanks for helping me with Frannie, guys. I trust that you'll take good care of my girl." Amanda handed Olivia a gigantic - and very heavy - tote bag. "Here's enough food and treats, some of her favourite chew toys, and everything else you'll need. She'll try to beg you for more treats, but if she's already had her dinner, she's just pretending to be hungry and you should say no..."

"Yes, we read the 5-page Google Document you sent us..." Rafael said dryly.

Olivia glared at him and flashed an reassuring smile at her friend. "We'll be fine, Amanda. Frannie's a good girl and Noah couldn't be more excited to play with her this week," she assured Amanda. Sure enough, Noah was already playing with his canine friend in the living room.

"I've got a flight to catch, so I'm going to run, but thanks again for helping me out!" She left, leaving Olivia, Rafael and Noah alone with a _very excited_ dog.

"God... I have a bad feeling about this," Rafael groaned watching Frannie leap all over their sofa, almost knocking over his mug of coffee on the living room table in the process. "We're going to have to feed, and walk, and bathe her..."

"It's just four days, Rafa. Look at how happy Noah is! We can get him to take some responsibility and help out. And walking the dog is good exercise."

"I want to walk Frannie, _papi_! Can we go please?"

"Not now, Noah. It's late now. Maybe tomorrow." She turned to her husband. "See, Noah's already offering to help," Olivia beamed.

"Where does Amanda usually take Frannie?" he asked.

"I guess you didn't read the _5-page Google Document_ after all, because she stated very clearly that her park of choice is Prospect Park."

"Prospect Park, Brooklyn?" he asked incredulously. "She doesn't even live near there, and neither do we!"

"Frannie has dog friends there. And I guess she's used to it."

"Dogs don't have friends. Why don't we bring her to Washington Square Park or Central Park instead?"

"First and foremost, dogs _do_ have friends. And it's not like we have to go there all 4 days. We can take her once on Saturday, since it's her usual park day, and then walk her in Central Park on the others."

"Fine, fine," he grumbled. Rafael liked that their son was having so much fun with the dog - as he should be - but couldn't shake his distrust of that creature. He'd never been a dog person, and he didn't think that Frannie was going to change his mind, as innocent-looking and well-behaved as she was. "Let's not screw this up."

* * *

"Fuck, we're screwed, aren't we?"

"How on earth did you _lose_ a dog?" Olivia half-yelled, not caring that Rafael had cursed within earshot of Noah. She could make an exception, because they'd managed to let an _unleashed_ Frannie out of their sight.

"Oh God, we're screwed." Panic seeped into his voice. Noah was already frantically looking around the dog meadow for any sign of his canine friend, while Olivia's finger hovered over her friend's name on her phone, wondering whether or not to call her. "Wait, don't call her. If we can't find Frannie after 20 minutes, we'll call Amanda, okay?" Olivia nodded, worry filling her eyes, and scanned her surroundings for any sign of Frannie.

The day started somewhat normally. Rafael woke up to Frannie's excited barking outside his door, rousing him from bed at the unceremonious hour of 6.30am, and Noah slipping her two treats more than her quota for the morning ("We'd better not tell Amanda this," Olivia warned him). They loaded Frannie into her carrier and took an Uber to Prospect Park, where they made a beeline for a dog-friendly meadow and let her play unleashed, as permitted by Amanda in her instruction manual. For half an hour, they watched as she chased other dogs, picked up sticks, and sniffed just about every other human in her sight. Noah started a game of fetch, and Olivia and Rafael delighted in their son's deep affection for her. It certainly wasn't Rafael's idea of a typical Saturday morning, but it was all so wholesome and pure that he couldn't help but let go of some of his cynicism.

He thought he might actually like this dog after all, until _everything_ went downhill.

Noah had announced that he needed to use the bathroom, and Olivia offered to bring him to look for one, leaving Rafael at the dog beach to keep a watchful eye on her. For about five minutes he'd watched as Frannie cycled through rolling around with her dog friends, sniffing the newcomers, and attempting to share (or steal) dog toys. Content that Frannie was keeping herself occupied, he let himself pull out his phone to read an email from Jack McCoy.

Big mistake. Huge, in fact.

It took all of one minute to realise that the dog he'd been trusted to watch - practically Rollins' child - had disappeared.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." he cursed under his breath. He closely inspected the grounds, but Frannie was nowhere in sight. Amanda loved Frannie just as much as she adored Jesse, and he really didn't want to have to tell her that they'd _lost her dog_ at Prospect Park.

"Liv, Frannie's missing!" he cried out the instant Olivia re-entered his line of vision.

"What?!" she and Noah said in unison. "How? What happened?" she demanded.

"She was right there," he said emphatically, pointing at the spot he'd last seen her. "I looked at my email for ONE MINUTE and she was gone!" 

Olivia glared at him, but there simply wasn't much time to get angry at her husband when they had a far more important task at hand.

"We _need_ to find Frannie, now. She couldn't have gone far, right?"

"What did Amanda's document say about this?"

"Frannie's wearing a collar with Amanda's cell phone number engraved on it. But if someone finds her and calls Amanda, she'll know that we lost her..."

"Which means that we need to find that dog. Now. Noah, Frannie recognises your voice. Can you call out to her?" The eight-year old held back tears and walked around the meadow under Olivia's watchful eye, calling Frannie's name in the hopes that she'd burst through a bush. No hope.

"Be a detective, Benson," she muttered to herself. How hard could it possibly be to find a dog? She'd been missing for barely four minutes. Surely she couldn't have gone very far. Olivia thankfully had a photo on her phone, and showed it to everyone else who was there, but Frannie had apparently slipped away so fast that no one had noticed. Meanwhile, Rafael checked the bushes and nearby paths, hopeful that Frannie had simply chosen to hide.

Ten minutes passed and they had to accept that Frannie had left the dog meadow. He gulped.

"This park is enormous. How on earth do we decide where to search?" Rafael felt himself erupt into full-blown panic. As ambivalent as he felt about dogs, he _hated_ letting people down. This situation looked to be precisely that.

"I'll take Noah this way; you go in the opposite direction, okay?" Olivia said calmly, pointing him down a path. "Call me if you see anything." Rafael jogged down the path, eyes and ears wide open, searching fervently for _any_ sign of Frannie.

He berated himself for checking that darn email from Jack McCoy. Jack had no business emailing him on Saturday anyway. Surely even Executive Assistant District Attorneys deserved weekends off. That stupid email, which hadn't even contained anything _that_ interesting or pertinent, was the cause of the mess he was currently in. It was worse than the feeling he was losing a case or preparing an uncooperative witness, both things he absolutely detested. He'd never be able to face Amanda again...

_Wait. Is that Frannie's chew toy?_

He ran over to the squishy pink toy on the grass, marked clearly with "AR" in Sharpie.

"Liv, I've got something. Frannie's chew toy," he blurted into the phone as he headed in that general direction. It was damp with Frannie's slobber - she probably wasn't that far away. He tucked his phone into his pocket and focussed on examining his surroundings for a bark, the sound of her collar bell - _anything_ that would lead him to that dog. They were 3 minutes away from calling Amanda and breaking the bad news to her. His mind filled with dread. How was he going to explain that he'd let Frannie out of his sight while checking a work email? Or worse - she'd hear that they'd lost Frannie from a stranger calling the number on the dog tag.

He stopped to catch his breath in the middle of a small clearing, scanning the bushes for any sign of brown fur. It was a dead end. Unless she'd sprinted into the trees, which he _really_ hoped she hadn't, because he wasn't about to get the park rangers involved. 

Rafael was three seconds away from turning around and heading back to the footpath to continue his search, when he spotted a familiar-looking brown tail sticking out of a bush and the sound of digging. Without thinking, he sprinted over and peered in.

Frannie. 

Her paws and fur were filthy with mud and she obviously had no clue just how much anxiety she'd induced in her sitters. He heaved a massive sigh of relief and almost let tears fill his eyes as he picked her up, holding onto her tightly. He was going to be able to face Amanda Rollins after all.

In the Uber on the way back to Manhattan half an hour later, they sat in an exhausted silence, none of them feeling the need to exchange blame or rehash the morning's events.

"Let's _not_ tell Aunt Amanda about this, okay?" Olivia finally said as they crossed the Manhattan Bridge.

She didn't need to hear an answer to know that both Noah and Rafael - especially Rafael - felt the same.

* * *

"Frannie!" When Amanda appeared at the Barba-Benson doorstep, the dog excitedly ran to her owner, obviously relieved to be free of Rafael and Olivia. _Finally,_ their dog-sitting stint was officially over.

"Thank you so much for watching her! I owe you guys one. Did she give you any problems?" she asked Olivia and Rafael.

"No, she didn't," Rafael smirked, shooting a knowing glance at his wife.

"Nope." Olivia echoed. "No problems _at all_."


	14. Park Slope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to Brooklyn! here's some domestic fluff <3
> 
> with Christmas coming up i may get to work on a holiday-themed Barson fic - fingers crossed i can complete that in time for the holidays! i've got so many new fic ideas swirling around in my head and hope i can turn them into reality. thank you so much to everyone who's read, left kudos or commented - i'm really enjoying this and always welcome your thoughts and suggestions!

**Park Slope**

It all started with a flyer they received in the mail.

"Look at this." Rafael showed her a glossy leaflet featuring a sleek, modern skyscraper. "This looks nice. Floor-to-ceiling windows, a bowling alley, residents' lounge, and concierge service."

She looked up from the stack of case files on her lap. "Why don't we just renew this lease? I like this apartment, Rafael. This is already much bigger than my previous one." In fact, Rafael's massive 2-bedroom luxury condo still felt cavernous to her at times - she couldn't believe how much space he had. It certainly was a step up in _both_ space and luxury from her old place, which now felt tiny in comparison.

"I know we have plenty of space now, Liv, but it's not going to be enough when Noah gets bigger... We can at least _consider_ moving, right? Before we renew the lease."

"Okay, we can talk about this when I'm _not_ drowning in work."

"I'll take that as a maybe, then!" he said triumphantly, and stuck the brochure to the fridge with a magnet.

* * *

One flyer eventually became twelve.

"Rafa, can I please throw away some of these flyers?" she called out to him as she shuffled them around to make some space for their grocery list.

He emerged from their bedroom, coffee mug in hand. "It's Saturday. Maybe we have time to look through those flyers now?" he suggested, a cheeky grin on his face.

She groaned in mock annoyance and sat down next to him on the sofa, flyers in hand. "So many of these are for condos in our neighbourhood. I don't think they'll be much different from where we are now. How serious are you about moving?"

"I think we should seriously consider it, _mi amor_. Noah's growing up so fast and he's going to want more space. And maybe _we_ need more space too. We can have a home office, a bigger dining room, even a guest room... And maybe we don't have to live in an apartment like this one. We can check out all kinds of places."

"You have a point. I know you converted your home office into Noah's bedroom..."

"Liv, that didn't bother me at all. Noah needs to have his own space. But... it's not like we can't think about having _both_ a home office and space for Noah. And what if we adopt another child?"

"As unlikely as that is, Rafael, I appreciate that you pulled out the "child" argument to try to convince me to move," she retorted sarcastically.

He took the flyers and laid them out on the coffee table. "High rise, high rise, high rise... but these brownstones look _amazing._ "

Olivia looked at a picture of a tree-lined street and immaculate brownstones. Three storeys, with small gardens at the back and still near enough the nearest subway station that getting to and from places wouldn't be a problem.

_Park Slope, Brooklyn_.

"Brooklyn?" She wrinkled her nose thinking about the idea. She'd been to Brooklyn countless times, of course, but living there? Her entire world was in Manhattan.

"You _do_ remember that I used to work for the Brooklyn DA's office, right?" he teased. "I loved living there."

"I have nothing against Brooklyn. I've just never lived there. And will Noah like it?"

"Park Slope is a nice neighbourhood, Liv. Many families. Safe. Nice restaurants. Trees. Good schools..."

"Can we even afford to live in Park Slope?" she asked skeptically, knowing how expensive it was.

"Well, let's find out." Before she knew it, he was dialling the phone number at the bottom corner of the flyer.

"Rafa! You're calling the agent _now_?"

"No harm checking it out, right?" he winked. "Maybe a viewing will convince you that Brooklyn isn't too shabby."

While Rafael arranged a viewing, Olivia looked at the flyer again. She actually could imagine living there. Less noise, more space, and something in it for everyone - a home office for Rafael, garden for Noah, and the feeling of safety for her. As much as she liked Manhattan, living on a major avenue meant noise, endless sirens when all she wanted to do was sleep, and drunk club-goers stumbling home beside her when she got off a late shift, and she was getting too old for that.

"We've got a date. Tomorrow morning. We don't have to commit to anything, Liv. But at least we'll know the possibilities."

She nodded and gazed at the brochure, making a mental note to do some research on the neighbourhood when she got the chance.

* * *

A surprisingly quick subway ride later, Olivia and Rafael found themselves standing in front of an immaculate brownstone, the entire street oozing domesticity and tranquility. Trees lined the sidewalk, giving the row an almost picturesque quality, mothers pushed their prams and wrangled small children, and there was nary a siren or car horning within earshot.

"Mr and Mrs Barba, I'm Edward, the agent for this unit. How about we head inside and have a look?" They nodded and followed behind him.

"Babe, how expensive is this place?" The street was so perfect; almost too good to be true. There had to be a catch.

He sensed her concern and squeezed her hand. "I looked it up last night. It's more expensive than our current place, but not by _that_ much. And we're both getting raises soon." That didn't settle her doubts completely, but she trusted Rafael and his financial savviness enough to put the subject to rest for the time being.

"This is a two-family brownstone. You'll have the two highest floors; each unit gets their own terrace area out back, so you don't have to worry about privacy. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and plenty of living space. The previous tenants moved out a month ago, and renovation is going to be completed in about a fortnight."

Despite the ongoing work in the unit, Edward showed them around. The bedrooms were spacious, the study of full of natural light, and Olivia was sure that Noah would enjoy the terrace. For a moment she let herself imagine living in that house: no more fighting over closet space with her very fashionable husband, brunches on 5th Avenue (the much more peaceful 5th Avenue, Brooklyn, not Manhattan), walks in Prospect Park... Maybe they could even get a dog, since it'd have much more space to run around.

She _really_ liked this unit and the idea of living here, but something was holding her back. The rental market in the city moved so fast that she knew they would have to make a decision as soon as possible if they wanted it, and that terrified her. She remained silent when Rafael discussed the lease details with Edward, and nervously played with her nails.

"So... what do you think of the place?" he asked as they walked back to the subway station, hand-in-hand. She was being unusually silent, and he knew that she was deep in thought.

"I like it, I really do, Rafa. But I have to be honest - I don't know if I'm ready to move just yet. And if we have to make a decision this fast, I can't..."

He didn't interrupt, and let her elaborate. "My entire world is in Manhattan. Work, you, Noah's schools, all our social activities... Noah's still small, and we've been living in your place for just a year. I just don't think we need to move to Brooklyn yet. Maybe in a couple of years' time, but I'm happy where we are now," she said nervously, hoping he wouldn't be too disappointed. "I'm sorry, Rafa. I know how much you like Brooklyn, and I hate disappointing you."

"Oh, Liv." They paused on the sidewalk and he gently placed his hands on her waist, pulling her close to him. "I could never be disappointed with you for saying that. I know how much you love living in Manhattan. And Brooklyn's always going to be here. I'm glad we came to check out this place, but we're not going anywhere until _both_ of us, and Noah, are 100% in."

Olivia was on the verge of tears from a nauseating mix of guilt, anxiety and relief. "I was so scared you'd be upset with me," she said softly, averting eye contact.

"Never, _mi amor_. All that matters now is that we're heading home. _Our_ home. If you're happy, I'm happy too."

Olivia gratefully leaned in to kiss him and let him wrap his arm around the small of her back as they descended into the subway station. Sure, they'd probably need to move a bigger apartment sometime in the future. But until then, they were perfectly content in the home that they'd made together, and the knowledge that they'd be a family no matter where life took them.


	15. Chelsea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place post-19x13! it isn't romantic per se, but i was interested in exploring Olivia and Rafael's friendship, and how she might play a part in him rebuilding his life after those terribly difficult events. i really enjoy Pilates myself, so i thought i'd write about it too!
> 
> also, hooray at Raul's return on the *next* episode of SVU in January - i'm so excited for what's to come!

**Chelsea**

From: Zen Studio

Subject: Olivia Benson has invited you to a FREE Pilates class

_Dear Rafael,_

_Olivia Benson has invited you to attend a FREE Pilates class at Zen Studio! Enjoy a 1-hour session on us at our studio in Chelsea._

_This offer is valid until the end of 2018. To redeem your session, please call us at the number below...._

* * *

“Liv, what’s this email about a free Pilates class?” His face appeared in a small window at the corner of her desktop screen.

“Hello to you too, Rafael. My Pilates instructor told me that I can refer a guest to get them a free session. So I chose you,” she beamed.

“I’ve never done anything close to Pilates in my life. Are you sure you want to waste this referral on me?” he asked skeptically.

“At least give it a try. That’s what the free session is for. I think it’d be really good for you, Rafa.”

“Liv, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m really not sure I’m in the mood for Pilates any time soon.”

“Just one session. How about we attend the class together? If you really don’t like it, you don’t ever have to go again. Give it a try, for me?”

He scanned the email again and read in the fine print that each session usually cost $75. _Might as well give it a shot, I guess._ “Okay, I’ll go with you. When do you usually attend class?”

“Thursday mornings. That good with you?”

“I _am_ unemployed, so I guess literally any time of the week is fine.”

“Okay, I’ll give the studio a call and tell them to schedule a private session for the both of us.”

He hung up after saying goodbye and she watched the FaceTime bubble close, relieved that Rafael had at least agreed to follow her to one class. Ever since he’d left the DA’s office earlier that year, he had fallen into a slump of sorts. Not ready for a full-time job, he got by on freelance copywriting gigs (making use of his English degree) and his (thankfully robust) investment portfolio, and hadn’t found any meaningful hobbies to occupy his time either.

Olivia was worried about her friend. Whenever they met up for coffee or lunch, she couldn’t help but notice how downtrodden he looked. He’d lost the shine in his eyes and seemed like a shrunken version of himself; she could tell from his pale, sallow skin and unkempt manner that he hadn’t been taking care of his health and body. Six months in and it was time for an intervention. 

She didn’t want to rush his psychological healing process, but she could at the very least help him find new, healthy habits that centred and balanced him again. Knowing that he was suffering from the fallout of the Drew Householder case hurt her deeply, and she didn’t want him to remain in that pit forever. Hopefully some very gentle exercise and companionship would do him good.

* * *

Four days later, Olivia met Rafael outside the studio, which was located right next to a luxury high-rise in Chelsea. 

“This looks like the kind of place that lawyers and corporate big-wigs frequent, especially in this neighbourhood...” he said nervously as he scanned the surroundings for anyone he knew.

“I promise you that it’s not. And we have a private class, so it’ll be just the two of us and my instructor.” That alleviated his fears a little, and she ushered him inside.

It was an unassuming but cosy place. Soft piano covers piped through the speakers and lavender essential oils wafted through the air. He inhaled deeply and felt calmer instantly. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as he thought after all.

"Hi, Liv. And you must be Rafael. I'm Alana, Liv's instructor. It's so lovely to meet you." A young woman emerged from behind the small reception counter and greeted them cheerfully. She led them into the main studio, which was decked out with various machines and equipment Rafael didn't recognise.

"I thought Pilates was like yoga, with mat stuff and all," he remarked, thinking of his ex-colleagues who frequented Equinox and Planet Fitness and the like.

"That's pretty common, but we specialise in Reformer Pilates. Liv told me that it's your first session today, so I'll show you the ropes and we can try a few different kinds of exercises." Rafael liked Alana instantly - she was cheerful and warm, but not overbearing, which was precisely what he needed right now. He didn't need someone shouting platitudes or toxic positivity at him.

"Let's begin with some basic legwork. I'll strap your legs into the machine here, and guide you through some movements." Rafael lay down next to Olivia, whose familiarity and comfort with Pilates showed in her relaxed body language, and followed her example through the first set of exercises.

He thought he wasn't going to have much of an interest in Pilates - before leaving the DA's office he'd always been a cardio or jogging person, and hadn't had much of an interest in any kind of exercise in the months after. But this was surprisingly pleasant - the relaxing music and scent made him feel at ease, the studio felt peaceful and safe, and he focussed on controlling his body and muscles, which helped some of stress he'd been carrying silently for months melt away.

Next to him, Olivia moved effortlessly and gracefully. He usually wasn't one for exercising with other people around - he felt self-conscious about his physique and fitness - but with her, he didn't quite mind. Alana patiently corrected his posture and balance where necessary, and he didn't feel like a complete novice even with seasoned pro Olivia right next to him. They moved on to arm exercises and spine arches and curls, which took some time to get used to, but never did he feel like things were too taxing for him, physically or psychologically.

The hour flew by and Rafael was surprised that the session was over so quickly. He thanked Alana and took a namecard, promising that he'd consider returning for sessions of his own, and he and Olivia left the studio feeling refreshed. Even his posture felt a little different, and he liked that feeling.

"Wanna grab a coffee?" she offered. He nodded and they found a nearby cafe with alfresco seating. Macchiatos ordered, they basked in the warm morning sun, Rafael admiring Olivia's healthy post-exercise glow. He wanted to look that sharp and radiant again.

"So... how did you find the session?" Olivia asked, hopeful that he'd enjoyed it.

"It was much better than I expected it to be. Alana is great and the whole experience was rejuvenating," he beamed.

Olivia was extremely happy hearing that. "Are you considering going back?"

"I actually may do that."

"You'll get a discount on private lessons since you used my referral coupon. I'm sure you won't want me around for future sessions," she joked.

"No, Liv, having you there was actually great," he said sincerely. He really did enjoy her non-judgmental, calming presence, which made him feel much less alone in his misery and emotional slump.

Olivia smiled. "You can join me for class any time you want. I'm just glad that you enjoyed it."

"I'll take you up on that offer, then."

They sipped their macchiatos in a comfortable silence. Olivia could already feel that her friend was more relaxed than he'd been a couple of hours ago, and she was grateful for that. It was as though he has been wearing his stress - hunched shoulders, greying hair - but the class brought back some pep in his step.

"Thank you for inviting me, Liv. I didn't realise that some exercise would do me so much good. I really do need some healthier habits if I'm going to look for a new job anytime soon," he said quietly.

"Pilates really helped me after the Lewis debacle, and all the stress with cases, and Noah, and changes in SVU. I love cardio and kickboxing and all that stuff, but sometimes I just want something more... relaxing, you know? I feel so in tune with my body at Pilates; so in control. And it doesn't feel like a chore. I hope it does the same for you."

"I can see why you like it so much now."

"I'm happy for you, Rafa. It's been a hard year for you, I know..."

"It has," he said with some sadness in his voice. "But I think this could really help. And I like spending time with you, Liv. I was worried about us not working together anymore, but it's nice to spend time with you doing something like this."

"You can always call me, Rafael. I'll make time for you." He knew that she meant it.

They parted ways twenty minutes later, Olivia headed for the precinct and Rafael to his apartment. _Olivia definitely knew what she was doing when she asked me along to Pilates_ , he thought. Instead of calling an Uber or taking the subway like he always did, he decided to walk. It'd only been a few short hours, but something in him had already changed for the better. He inhaled the cool September air and felt himself letting go of some of the burdens he'd been carrying on his shoulders as he strolled the city streets, feeling much more alive and less cynical than he had in months. _This is one beautiful city I live in, and it's so easy to forget that._ Baby steps, but he already felt healthier, and more importantly, _hopeful_. 

His heart swelled with gratitude for Olivia's friendship - a constant in some of the most turbulent months of his life - and he knew that the road to a new and better life wasn't going to be a lonely one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at this point i'm still not 100% sure how many ficlets i want to write for this collection - i suppose i'll continue until i run out of places i like enough to write about! but i'll try to branch out to other boroughs since Manhattan is getting all my attention now.


	16. Central Park Reservoir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as requested by kmfoss929 - here's a follow-up to the Pilates (Chelsea) ficlet! it (somewhat) addresses the inevitable post-Pilates soreness, but eventually turned into more of a hurt/comfort situation!
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who's left a comment on this collection: i see all your requests for follow-ups or sequels and that's something i definitely want to get to! in the meantime, thanks so much for reading; it means the world to me. <3

**Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir (Central Park)**

"Liv... can we slow down?"

Olivia stopped and turned around to see her red-faced friend panting and desperately trying to stretch his cramping calves.

"I'm sorry, Rafa. We don't have to run if you don't want to."

"Can we walk instead?" He still had a stubborn side stitch that refused to go away.

"Of course."

She gave him a few seconds to catch up with her, and they walked the path circling the reservoir. Olivia heard him struggle to catch his breath, and decided to hold off on talking to him until he felt better. Eventually, they slowed to a stroll.

"I feel terrible, Liv," he said abruptly.

She frowned. He certainly looked troubled. "What's wrong?"

"I used to be able to run a few miles at a time. Now I can't even do two rounds around this reservoir." He sounded absolutely defeated, which devastated Olivia.

"You haven't been running or doing much cardio for many months. It's only natural for this to be difficult. Two rounds is already pretty good."

"I shouldn't have decided to go jogging a day after Pilates. My legs are killing me," he added regretfully. "Sorry for slowing you down."

"Hey, it's fine. I'm here as encouragement, not your personal trainer." Olivia was genuinely happy that Rafael had taken such a liking to Pilates - he'd already attended three sessions with her - but knew that there was still a long way to go before he found his footing again, and didn't want to rush him into anything he didn't feel comfortable with. "This path is pretty nice for walking, anyway," she added.

He had to agree. The sun was dipping rapidly, bathing the park in hues of pink and orange. The cool late September air rustled through the trees, and they took a few seconds to admire the reflection of the city buildings on the surface of the water.

It was rare that he had time for sunset jogs when he was working at the DA's office, so he felt even luckier that Olivia had somehow found time to head to Central Park with him that early in the evening. Her presence made him feel slightly better about jogging so slowly, even though he knew that New Yorkers were the kind to mind their own business - a by-product of living in a city so full of drama and wackiness all the time. However, she still sensed his uneasiness watching the endless stream of joggers that zoomed by.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked cautiously.

"Just feeling like the city is moving so fast all the time while I'm... just stuck. I don't have a full-time job, the last few months have all blended into one, and I can't even exercise properly..." He stared at the water, evading her concern-filled eyes.

"I understand, Rafa. But you were stressed all the time when you worked at the DA's office. We both know how much toll that job took on you, mentally _and_ physically. You worked non-stop for so many years. Some rest really doesn't hurt."

She was right. He was ruthlessly efficient at work, but all those years of running on adrenaline, stress and caffeine certainly hadn't been easy. Rafael was reminded why he respected Olivia and her friendship so much. She just had an uncanny way of grounding people. Of grounding _him_.

"You signed up for Pilates and we're here right now. No one's saying that you need to get back to work ASAP or find something new to do. You've been through a lot, and I really do think you deserve the time off."

"I just worry that I'll take all this time off and never feel as... accomplished and productive... as I was as an ADA. It was hard work, but knowing that I was putting away some truly terrible people made the effort worth it. What if I never feel like that again, Liv? What if I don't find something new to do?" Rafael was aware that he was rambling, but also that Olivia wasn't the kind to judge. They'd weathered so many personal and professional crises together that nothing could possibly leave a dent in her impression of him.

"I don't think either of us has the answer to what your next phase or career is going to be. But I've always had faith in your ability to make things happen, Rafael. I have faith in _you_. Whatever you embark on next, you'll be more than fine."

Rafael's eyes stung from a combination of the evening breeze and Olivia's affirmation. "I can't believe you're still in my corner after all this time, Liv."

_I don't deserve her_ , he thought.

"I'll always be in your corner. Like I've said before: I have absolute faith in your humanity."

"Thank you for this. For getting me off my ass and to Pilates. For following me on this failed jogging session. And for not giving up on me."

"Anything for you, Rafael," she smiled.

They turned off the reservoir jogging path and Rafael knew it was time to head back to his apartment, and Olivia to head back to hers and relieve Lucy for the evening. As he strolled away, however, he heard Olivia call his name.

"Rafa - you know to call me if you ever need someone to exercise with, or hang out with, or just talk to, right?"

"I know." She'd said this to him in various forms countless times over the course of their friendship, and he knew she meant it every single time.

"Promise me?" She gripped his hand and looked at him with imploring eyes.

"I promise, Liv." With one final smile, they turned and parted ways.

On the walk back to his Park Avenue condo, Rafael thought about what he'd said to Olivia at the reservoir. The city moved so fast - almost dizzyingly so - and he resisted the urge to frown at the numerous happy couples and well-dressed people returning from work he passed on the sidewalk. He swallowed the lump in his throat, kept his head down, and moved forward one step at a time.

But he knew that he had Olivia Benson in his corner, and on a day as difficult as the one he'd just had, it felt like enough.


	17. Greenwich Village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael deliberates a new job opportunity with Olivia's encouragment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the follow-up to the original Chapters 13 and 14 of this collection (Chelsea + Central Park Reservoir, which i've now moved to the right place), inspired by BaGi14's comment on C14 about Rafael finding a new job - thank you for the inspiration!
> 
> with the way things are progressing, i may take these 3 sequential ficlets and move them to a full-length of their own instead of putting them in this collection - i'll try to get to that sometime this week!

**Greenwich Village**

“Liv, what’s Rita Calhoun doing here?”

Olivia looked up from her iPad and saw Amanda peering through her office window. “We don’t have any suspects in questioning. Did you arrange a meeting with her?"

“Nope. Maybe it’s a personal visit,” Olivia replied absent-mindedly, thinking of Rita’s growing closeness to Fin. Sure enough, Rita stopped at Fin’s desk for a quick - and chaste - hello, but headed straight for Olivia’s office, Louboutins clicking against the floor.

“Olivia, I need to talk to you,” Rita announced brusquely as she strutted into the room.

“Hello to you too, Rita.” Amanda took this as a cue to leave and slipped out, closing the door behind her. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Surely this couldn’t be about a case - it wasn’t like Rita to storm into her office or call her by her first name when they were working.

Rita opened her purse and pulled out what looked like a print-out of an email. Olivia grabbed it and read the subject line aloud. _FYI - NYU Law job opening_. “Rita, what’s this about?”

She didn’t waste any time. “A Harvard classmate sent this to me yesterday. I need you to convince Rafael to apply.”

Olivia sat up in her seat when she heard Rafael's name. “Why are you asking me?”

“I met him for lunch today, Olivia, and he refused to hear me out. But he told me that you’ve gotten him into Pilates and running and whatever else you two do. So if he won’t listen to me, he’ll listen to you.”

Olivia reflected on what Rita had just told her. She and Rafael had been attending Pilates together for two months now, with no sign of stopping. When he was in the mood, they ran or strolled in Central Park, or took Noah out for movies and picnics. Ever since their conversation about him feeling aimless and stuck at the JKO reservoir a few weeks back, Olivia hadn’t wanted to bring up the job search again, afraid to rush him before he felt more comfortable.

At the back of her mind, she knew that a job would do Rafael some good. It’d give him a new routine and sense of purpose, and help him to stop dwelling on the events of the past winter. And this teaching job did sound promising, she thought as she scanned the email. Instructor in Criminal Law - Rafael didn’t have a PhD, but she was confident that 21 years of experience with the DA’s office had to count for _something._

“Olivia, I know you’re thinking what I’m thinking. But it’s worth asking Rafael to at least give it some thought. Teaching positions don’t come by that easily, and he can still use his brain and legal training without _actually_ being in a courtroom. We’ve been watching him wallow in self-pity for more than half a year. It’s time we give him a push.”

Olivia winced a little at her choice of words - “wallow in self-pity” seemed unnecessarily harsh - but agreed with the sentiment. Rafael had indeed shown great progress since starting Pilates and exercise, and definitely was in much better shape than he'd been three months ago; maybe even good enough to think about his next career move. “Okay. I’ll show this to him when I next see him. Thanks, Rita.”

They exchanged a nod and Rita left her office, leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts. It was Tuesday, which meant she had two days to mull over how to bring this up with her friend before their usual Thursday morning Pilates. She knew Rita had Rafael’s best interests at heart, but was also glad that the brash and intimidating attorney wasn’t the one to reason with her downtrodden and healing friend. Maybe a new opportunity would do him some good. She just prayed he'd take the suggestion well. 

* * *

Two days later, as Alana guided them through a set of arm exercises, Olivia decided that it was time to subtly bring up the job posting.

“Rita Calhoun came to visit my office on Tuesday...” she started.

“Which serial rapist or murderer is she defending this time?” he quipped. 

“She told me that you two met up for lunch this week.”

“Oh?” He turned to her quizzically. “Yeah, we caught up a little. What did she say?”

“She told me that one of your Harvard classmates emailed her about a job posting at NYU.”

Rafael winced - she couldn’t tell if it was from the exercise or his feelings about the job. Perhaps a combination of both. She decided to tread carefully.

“Rita thinks you’ll be a good fit for the job, Rafa,” she said softly. “Would you consider applying?” She turned to look at him and bit her lip when she saw his frustrated frown. Had she made a mistake bringing it up? 

Rafael sensed Olivia’s discomfort and flashed a brief, reassuring smile at her even though his insides were churning. First Rita, and now Olivia. They meant well, but both women were incredibly persuasive and he wasn’t sure how to talk to them about it - or if he himself was ready to consider it. “How about we talk about this over coffee later?” She nodded and tried to focus on the exercises instead, but shot furtive glances at him throughout the rest of the session to check if he was rattled. He seemed calm enough, but coffee couldn’t come sooner.

At their usual cafe half an hour later, Olivia decided not to dance around the topic - their friendship was built on mutual respect and honesty, not pretence and evasion. “So...” she started, softly and gently, “about that job...”

He sighed deeply and took a big sip of his latte before responding. “I know you and Rita mean well, Liv.”

“Does this mean you’re not considering the job at all?” she asked, feeling discouraged by his defeated tone, but doing her best to hide any emotion from her voice.

“No, no. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. This is huge.”

“I read the job description. You’ll be starting the actual teaching in the summer semester, so you still have many months to mentally prepare yourself. Is that your concern?”

“Partially.” He averted her gaze and stared into his coffee, words eluding him. He knew that Olivia was the person he felt most comfortable baring his soul too, but admitting that he was finding things difficult still troubled him.

“Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want me to drop the issue? You don’t have to apply if you don’t feel comfortable doing it,” she assured him.

“I don’t mind talking about it, Liv. I just don’t know how ready I am to put myself out there again. What if all my students and colleagues see is a baby-killer? And I don’t even know how to apply for a job anymore. I’d been working with the DA’s office for so long, my resume is probably very outdated by now.”

“Rafa, I really don’t think your students and colleagues are going to care _that_ much about what happened. Your job is teaching them criminal law, and you happen to be _incredibly_ qualified. 21 years of experience is sure to outweigh one incident. I’ve heard that NYU is pretty open-minded and accepting - way more so than Hudson, at least. And we can help you with your resume and application materials. _I_ can help you. I bet even Jack McCoy will write you a reference.”

“He’d better write me a glowing one after throwing me under the bus like that...” he muttered. Although Olivia was still mad at Jack for choosing to press charges against Rafael, she couldn’t deny that having the Manhattan DA as a referee would make one heck of an application. He definitely still had a soft spot for Rafael, and maybe even felt bad about the trial, as evidenced by his awkwardness around Olivia and her squad of late.

“The deadline isn’t until the end of the month, so you have time to think about it,” she pointed out. "But whatever decision you make, it's up to you."

He paused and chewed on his lip. “Will you be disappointed if I don’t apply?” he asked, his voice soft and full of insecurity.

She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. “No, Rafa. I’d love to see you do something you truly care about and love, but if this isn’t it, then don’t let me or Rita force you to apply. You _will_ find something to do with your life, whether it’s this job or not. And it’s not a race - I’m not here to rush you.”

“I don’t know how you haven’t already given up on me, Liv,” he confessed, a mix of disbelief and sadness in his voice.

“Rafa,” she chided gently. “Please don’t say that. You were there for the worst years of my life and it’s only right that I’m here for you now. I’m not going on give up on you.”

Her hand was still on his. “You don’t have to make a decision now. How about you take a few days to consider it, and then we can talk about it another time?”

“Okay,” he whispered. “I’ll think about it.”

“I’m proud of you, you know?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re thinking about it. That’s progress,” she beamed.

She was right. For months he’d outright refused to even give full-time jobs consideration. And now a great opportunity had landed in his lap. He could at least give it some thought, for both himself and Olivia.

* * *

The next morning, Rafael woke up at the surprisingly early hour of 7am - something he hadn’t done since leaving the DA’s office - and stared at his empty calendar. The weather looked good and since he had nothing else on, something was telling him to take the subway to Greenwich Village and mull over the NYU question.

Latte in hand, he alighted at Astor Place and strolled down Broadway to Washington Square Park. It was a crisp late fall day, cool enough to constitute “sweater weather” but still pleasant enough for groups of students to mingle and picnic in the park. He rarely visited the Village, and was pleasantly surprised to see how vibrant it was. Dodging the groups of skateboarders and tango dancers in the park, he wandered towards the university buildings.

He strolled past the magnificent vermillion Bobst Library, and came to a stop outside the NYU Law courtyard. With its red-brick facade it reminded him a lot of his days at Harvard, but the groups of casually-dressed, spirited students chatting in groups and circling through the main door made it feel much less pretentious. Rafael let himself imagine working there: he’d trade his dress shirts for more casual button-downs, and his legal pads for lecture notes and PowerPoint slides. He’d be able to come to class and leave at decent hours - no more all-nighters preparing for court in the morning or curveballs thrown at him by Olivia and her squad. And no more politicking or workplace drama with Jack McCoy, his fellow ADAs and judges, many of whom he still bore a grudge towards after they turned their backs on him during the trial; instead, he’d get to mentor and educate future generations of lawyers.

Rafael settled in a cafe along MacDougal Street and people-watched over a croissant. _I can get used to this neighbourhood_ , he thought - it felt youthful and alive, unlike the more serious character of his previous workplace. Sure, he'd delivered many a guest lecture or conference presentation at universities across the East Coast, but actually immersing himself in campus life was far different.

The prospect of teaching was enticing to him. If actually practising law was still too painful to think about, he could still use his legal knowledge outside the courtroom in a university setting. Perhaps Olivia and Rita had a point after all. For the first time in a long time, he felt hope creep into his chest.

As he waited on the subway platform for an uptown train home, he pulled his phone out and texted Olivia.

_I think I'm going to apply for the job_.

Thinking she must be busy with work, he was pleasantly surprised when she replied a few minutes later.

_That's fantastic, Rafa! Let me know if you need anything from me_.

_Actually... I was wondering if you'd be able to write me a letter of recommendation, since we worked together?_

_Of course! And I'm happy to help you look through your resume, if you need help with that too._

_That'd be amazing, actually. Thank you, Liv._

_Anything for you, Rafa. x_

He found himself smiling at his phone. It was something that he'd thought about a lot in the last few weeks - he was so lucky to call Olivia Benson a friend. First exercise, and then this new opportunity - she'd been so encouraging and supportive.

If Olivia Benson believed in him this much, surely he could extend the same love to himself?

When he alighted and left the subway station, he walked home the fastest he'd walked in months. He had a job application to prepare, after all.


	18. Columbia University

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia puts Rafael in his place when they're tasked with preparing a conference presentation. (T for language)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my favourite things about Barson is how great their working relationship is - it's amazing how much they challenged each other to be better at their respective jobs, yet still had so much mutual respect. 
> 
> i've been rewatching plenty of SVU lately and it's been so fun remembering how they got closer over time! i just wanted to explore the Barson pairing in its earliest days - this one is definitely more acquaintances-friends than friends-to-lovers, but i thought it'd be fun to try writing an Barson argument. in my mind, this takes place in the first half or middle of S14, in the not-quite-friends stage.

**Columbia University**

“Regret not starting work on this earlier now? We'll be here all night,” Olivia muttered sarcastically, hoping to rouse her colleague to action.

They were - or more like she was - bent over his laptop in his office at 10pm, desperately trying to fix their PowerPoint slides for a lecture the following evening. Olivia and Rafael had been invited to a law enforcement conference at Columbia University as the keynote speakers, but with no presentation slides _or_ a fully fleshed-out outline of what they were going to say, Olivia felt woefully unprepared. She shuddered a little at the thought of embarrassing herself in front of a crowd of colleagues, academics, and students. It certainly wasn't her first time delivering a presentation, but it was her first presentation as a _keynote_ speaker and that carried weight. She was not planning to mess it up.

Clearly, Rafael Barba didn’t feel the same way.

Legs on the table and glass of scotch in hand, he alternated between looking at his phone and legal pad, on which he’d scrawled down little more than random buzzwords and bullet points, none of which gelled with anything that Olivia was planning to say. He probably hadn't uttered more than 50 words since she arrived at his office half an hour ago. Olivia stared at the plain blue background of the PowerPoint slides she had open - the only slide they'd made was the first one, with their names and job titles, and even so they still didn’t have a working title - and groaned audibly. _This is going to take all night at this rate - if we even make any progress tonight!_

“Why the sour face, Detective?” he uttered, his tone as cocky and sarcastic as it usually was. Olivia rolled her eyes. The nerve of that man to joke around when he knew very well that they had a presentation to make in less than 24 hours - and that she was doing all the work!

“Barba, both our names are on this presentation. We need to know what we’re doing.”

“Relax - I’ve given countless presentations before. This isn’t anything new,” he replied, eyes still glued to his phone and tone smug. "You talk about your cases and investigations, I talk about the legal aspects and prosecution. Easy."

“Well, it’s your first time delivering a presentation with _me_ and I’m not going to go up there without a rehearsal, at the very least.” Olivia felt her annoyance grow by the minute. Here she was with one of the most charismatic and intelligent ADAs she’d ever worked with, and he couldn’t even be bothered to work on a twenty-minute presentation. They could be out of there in an hour if he at least tried. She'd been busy chasing perps and following leads the last couple of days and had hoped he would do his fair share of the work before she could sit down with him, but clearly his priorities lay elsewhere.

“Rehearse without me, then.” He gestured in the direction of his office door.

“How do I rehearse when I don’t even know what you’re going to say? Would it kill you to look up from your phone and help me out here? This presentation is literally about _collaboration_ and the audience is going to tell if we didn't actually collaborate!” she snapped.

“If we don’t finish it by tonight, I’ll get Carmen to help us tomorrow. Relax, Detective. Do we even need slides? What's wrong with going up there and talking for twenty minutes? You're making a fuss over nothing.”

"I doubt that's part of Carmen's job scope." She pitied the overworked young woman, who probably bore the brunt of the ADA's wrath and pithy insults. "And I'm not about to put the audience to sleep."

"Oh well." Barba didn't even bother looking up from his phone the entire time, which filled her with fury. She was exhausted, in need of a shower and late-night pizza, and her patience was wearing thin.

“You don’t have to condescend to me, Barba,” she retaliated. She could deal with his laziness and lack of urgency, but Olivia Benson wasn’t going to be talked down to. "I can deal with your sarcasm, and your insults, and you interrupting my squad and me when we're talking all the damn time, but your attitude is so fucking _shitty,_ Counselor. You think you're hot shit? I'm not buying it. Get off your ass and do something." It wasn't like Olivia Benson to curse at a colleague, let alone curse _at all_ , but the sight of him so relaxed and nonchalant made her blood boil.

Mid-way through her tirade, he'd looked up from his phone, mouth agape, his eyes suddenly full of remorse and guilt - obviously stunned by her outpouring of frustration. “Detective... I'm sorry."

Olivia wasn’t having it. She’d wasted her whole evening with him and didn’t hide the venom in her voice. “I’m done here. I’m going home to finish my part of the presentation. Good luck with yours.” She grabbed her bag and jacket and stormed off without a word, leaving Rafael standing alone in the eerily silent office.

_Fuck._ He'd never heard Olivia that angry with anyone who wasn't a perp before. Granted, they hadn't been working together for that long, but hearing her insult him so openly was like being doused with ice-cold water. For a full minute he was frozen, his hands shaking with fear thinking about the fire in her glare. She was _angry_ , and he was the cause. How stupid had he been to push her buttons, thinking he'd be able to get away with it like he always did in the Brooklyn DA's office? 

His laptop was still open on his desk, opened to Microsoft PowerPoint, and he found a separate window with an empty Google Document meant for his part of the presentation. Rolling up his shirt sleeves and pouring himself another cup of coffee, he sat down and started typing.

* * *

In her living room at 2am that night, Olivia put the finishing touches on the presentation slides. It was nothing fancy, but it was the best she could do on short notice. She mulled over her squabble with her ADA in his office and felt a twinge of guilt seeing his reaction to her - frankly unprofessional - tirade, but she felt like she had to do it. For how smart he was, Rafael Barba's attitude left much to be desired, and she honestly didn't care how good he was at winning cases if he was so abrasive and arrogant all the time. Hopefully she'd put him in his place - she hadn't heard from him at all since storming out four hours ago.

Olivia shut her laptop and was about to retreat into bed for the night when her phone pinged. _Speak of the devil,_ she thought, praying he'd made some progress.

_I'm sorry about earlier. I typed up my part of the presentation, and will make my section of the slideshow in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow._

Attached to the message was the link of the Google Document she'd created for him earlier. Below her presentation notes, she found a meticulously typed summary of his part of the presentation. He'd obviously put some thought into it, as much of what he'd included in the script corresponded directly to her part of the presentation.

She put her phone aside and went to bed without sending him a reply. _He needs to squirm a little_ , she thought when she deliberated whether or not to put the mind of the clearly remorseful ADA at ease. She was relieved to see his progress, of course, but it wasn't enough to make up for his downright terrible attitude from earlier, and they still had the rest of the slides to tidy up.

Across town, Rafael was also bent over his laptop, hard at work creating the slides for his part of the presentation. He'd logged in just as Olivia finished up for the night, watching the bubble with her initials disappear from the corner of the screen when she closed the window. The slides she'd made looked _fantastic_ , and he felt a nagging guilt in his chest once again. This was indeed an important conference and they'd been extremely fortunate to get invited - he understood why Olivia was taking it so seriously, and he'd been an idiot to ignore her while she was trying so desperately to get him to start working. He'd finally finished his section of the script and texted her to let her know, but she was either sleeping or ignoring him, because he didn't receive a reply.

He hoped it was the former.

As he created text boxes and added transitions, Rafael replayed Olivia's tirade on loop in his head.

_Your attitude is so fucking shitty, Counselor._

She had a point. Who was he, coming in with guns blazing, and acting like he owned the squad room? Talking over Rollins and Olivia, not giving them any chance to get a word in? It was a miracle they'd waited so long to berate him.

_You think you're hot shit? I'm not buying it._

He'd never felt more naked in that moment. It was like Olivia Benson had stripped him to his most vulnerable. A Harvard-educated lawyer with his thousand-dollar suits and fast mouth, but also a boy from _el barrio_ with a massive chip on his shoulder. A chip so massive that he felt the compulsive need to overcompensate. No one at the Brooklyn DA's office had ever confronted him head-on like that, even if they all thought he was an arrogant prick.

How had she seen through him so quickly?

He gritted his teeth and sipped his coffee, determined to prove himself through the quality of his work - one of the things he had faith in.

* * *

"Finally got off your ass, Barba," Olivia said dryly when he met her at the edge of the Columbia campus.

_Shit_. She still looked furious at him, even though he'd been up until 4am looking at the slides, even making edits to her sections. _I guess I deserve it for being an asshole_. He stayed silent, hands clasped, with the occasional nervous glance at his cue cards and presentation partner.

The conference began with some fanfare, and Rafael silently thanked his lucky stars that Olivia had roused him to action after seeing the massive crowd of students, academics, and colleagues from the NYPD, DA's office _and_ departments from neighbouring states. Next to him, Olivia kept a poker face, unwilling to let the ADA off easy for his attitude despite her great satisfaction with the quality of the final presentation when she checked it that morning. They walked on stage together, trying to conceal the lingering tension between them. The least they could do for a presentation about _cooperation_ was put up a united front.

Olivia started their presentation without a hitch, her impassioned speeches about the importance of empathy and victim advocacy both inspirational and captivating. Sitting next to her on that massive auditorium stage, he allowed himself to be impressed by his colleague. Olivia Benson was _both_ razor-sharp and compassionate, and he bit his lip thinking how arrogant and dismissive he'd been of her. She was absolutely owning this presentation. He'd seen glimpses of both sides of her in the often-tense squad room, but on a stage designed for her, she absolutely flourished. He'd long been cynical of letting one's heart rule alongside his head during investigations, but that was what precisely made Olivia Benson so special. If they messed up, it'd be on him, and definitely not her.

There wasn't much time for him to mull over that, however, because it was his turn to speak. Olivia took a seat and muttered a silent prayer that Rafael wouldn't blow it for them. Although the slides looked fantastic and she appreciated the work he'd put into making them look more presentable, they hadn't found them to schedule a rehearsal or dry-run, and that made her anxious. 

Rafael opened his mouth and Olivia's worries disappeared. Despite the short preparation time, he spoke as flawlessly as he did in court, barely even looking at his cue cards. Yet it was nothing like court, where he often got heated and pointed; here, he was warm, engaging and charismatic. There was something uniquely magnetic about the way he spoke - how his eyes lit up when he made an especially salient point, the way his hands moved as he spoke, and the confident way he walked around the stage, making eye contact with the audience throughout. He fielded questions from audience members without missing a beat, and the roaring applause they got from the audience after confirmed one thing: they'd aced that presentation.

"I see you do well under pressure, Barba," she said as they left the venue that night, after receiving enthusiastic compliments from numerous attendees. "Great job up there."

"You too, Detective." He paused on the sidewalk and turned to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry about last night, Olivia. I was an asshole, and you were right to put me in my place like that. You were right; this was a big deal and I shouldn't have acted like I was above it all."

"I'm sorry too, for snapping at you." The look in his eyes told her that he'd forgiven her, even appreciated her for it. "Look, I'm just glad we managed to get it together in time, even if it was one stressful night. We make one hell of a team." She smiled at him, and he felt like he finally could exhale.

"I can see that now," he nodded. He was absolutely exhausted, but knowing that he hadn't completely lost the respect of his colleague was a massive source of relief. He'd been so uncooperative and yet they'd managed to ace that presentation - who knew what the possibilities would be if he finally let his guard down and worked with Olivia Benson? She smiled and he knew she felt the same. There was so much they could accomplish, and he couldn't wait to see what came next for them.

"Want to grab a drink to celebrate?" she suggested, with a twinkle in her eye and much more relaxed body language now that the worst of the night was ever.

"Sure," he beamed. They walked off in the direction of a nearby bar, feeling more like friends than the work acquaintances they'd been not many hours ago.


	19. South Bronx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucia Barba invites Olivia and her son for Career Day at her charter school, and the kids force them to confront some interesting questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucia Barba finally makes an appearance! 
> 
> i'll be taking a very short hiatus from this collection to work on my Christmas fic, so here's an extra long one for you for the time being. i don't think we ever found out where in the city Lucia's charter school is, so i decided to place it in the South Bronx!

**South Bronx**

"Come on, Rafi. You'll be doing me a huge favour..."

"Isn't the point of Career Day to invite the actual _parents_ of the students?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes, but none of the lawyer parents volunteered, so I thought I'd ask you! It's just one morning, Rafi, and the kids will love it."

He gave in hearing his mother's enthusiasm. After the passing of his _abuelita_ a few months ago, it'd taken a while for his relationship with his mother to heal, and he wasn't about to undo the progress they'd made. "Okay, _mami_. I'll do it. Text me the details and I'll clear my schedule."

" _Muchas gracias_ , _mijo_. By the way, I also asked Sergeant Benson to join us."

"It's Lieutenant Benson now, _mami_. And what do you mean, you asked her to join us?"

"I called her a few hours ago! She's coming for Career Day too, so you two can talk about your jobs together. Be a gentleman and give her a ride to the school, won't you?"

Rafael groaned and rolled his eyes. As much as he loved his mother, her eagerness to meddle in her son's love life often made things awkward for him. He'd made the mistake of accidentally admitting to her that he had more than just a friendly affection for Olivia Benson, and Lucia was more than excited about the revelation. A few months ago she told Olivia in the courthouse that she drove Rafael "a little crazy", and now she'd invited Olivia to Career Day at the charter school without running it by him first? _Dios_.

"Yes, _mami_. I'll let her know when I see her. Talk to you soon, okay?"

He hung up just as a familiar figure strolled into his office. _Speak of the devil._

"No, I don't have the warrant yet, Liv," he announced even before she could open her mouth.

"You know me so well, Counselor. Thanks for the update, but while I wait... I got a call from a Lucia Barba about Career Day at her charter school?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"I literally just got off the phone with my mom about that. Sorry, she didn't tell me she was asking you," he replied sheepishly. He really hoped Lucia hadn't said anything weird to Olivia over the phone.

"That's not what I meant, Rafael. I'm happy to go. Maybe we can prepare a better presentation this time," she smirked, reminding him of the time they'd butted heads over a conference presentation at Columbia, not long after he first joined SVU.

"The kids are going to be far more interested in what you have to say, Liv. Chasing perps, locking up bad guys, cool police cars. I get to talk to them about harassing judges for signatures and staying up until 3am to prep witnesses," he retorted. “And living on coffee, of course.”

“You’re a Bronx success story. Harvard scholarship, fancy suits... And we'll be fine. We'll actually practice what to say.”

“A ‘success story’ who drinks too much and talks too fast. You’re too kind, Liv.” He felt his cheeks flush. There it was again - that rush of excitement when she said anything vaguely kind to him. “Do you want a ride to the school on Friday?” he added, reminded of his mother’s request.

He tried to hide his excitement when she agreed. Rafael was pretty excited to spend time with her outside work, even though they were technically there to talk about work. He loved watching Olivia speak, and hoped to take some cues from her since he wasn't the best with children. And he'd certainly work with her to create a better presentation this time.

* * *

“You'll be speaking to our first and second-graders today. They can be a pretty cheeky bunch, but I'm sure they'll behave when they learn that Olivia is with the NYPD," Lucia explained. She ushered them into the school hall, where the kids were seated on the floor and she'd laid out two chairs for them on the small stage.

"I'm actually a little nervous. This isn't court. Kids can be brutally honest," Rafael confessed as he adjusted his suspenders.

"No one can be as quite as brutal as Rita or Buchanan, and you handle them just fine. We'll be alright." She flashed a reassuring smile at him, which eased his nerves a little.

Before Rafael could reply, Lucia was welcoming them onto the stage. “For this month’s Career Day, we have a lieutenant from the NYPD and lawyer from the District Attorney’s office here to talk about their jobs. Let’s welcome Lieutenant Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba, who just happens to be my son! There'll be lots of time to ask them questions, so please give them your utmost attention."

Rafael turned bright red when Lucia introduced him as her son, especially when some of the older students snickered. Thankfully, she handed the microphone to Olivia first, giving him some time to recover. He stared into the crowd of students, unsure of where to put his hands when he didn't have a legal pad to scribble on or witness stand to direct his attention towards, eventually settling for resting them at his sides.

“Hi everyone, I’m Olivia and this is Rafael. We’re going to tell you all about our jobs today!" Rafael was delighted that Olivia was so natural around children, and could feel Lucia's approving gaze from the wings.

"I work at the NYPD's 16th precinct downtown. I've been working for the police for a _long_ time - over 20 years. My squad investigates special crimes, like crimes involving children." She decided to hold off on detailing what exactly formed the bulk of SVU's case load. "When someone reports a crime to us, we will conduct something called an _investigation_. My squad and I will interview people, look at things that may help us find the person who committed the crime - something we call _evidence_ \- and make sure that we find the bad person who did the crime. Then, we arrest the person who did it." A simplified version of her job, of course, but she could save the complexities for when they got older.

And just like they’d rehearsed, Rafael took over flawlessly. “I’ll work with Olivia to bring the person we think committed the crime to _trial_ , which is where we go to the courthouse, and a group of people called the jury decides whether or not the person should be punished. I - and another lawyer - will ask many questions, and also talk to other people who were involved, like people who saw the crime, or detectives and police who helped investigate, to try to prove that the person is _guilty._ The jury decides if the person is guilty, which decides whether or not the person goes to jail or not." He winced a little describing defendants and trials in such binary terms, but didn't want to overwhelm the kids with the grey areas of his job, and Olivia seemed to agree, judging by her approving nods.

After giving the students some very G-rated accounts of cases they'd worked on together, which elicited many fascinated oohs and ahhs and even applause, they decided to field questions. Rafael was pleasantly surprised when many hands shot up.

"How do I become a policeman or lawyer?" a boy at the back of the room asked.

"You'll have to go to the police academy to be a policeman. And if you want to be a lawyer, you'll have to go to college, and then law school. Rafael here grew up in the Bronx just like you, but he got a scholarship to Harvard and studied law there before coming back to New York to become a real lawyer." She proudly turned to her friend, who turned a deep shade of red once again. He could hear some murmurs from the clearly impressed students. Rafael certainly didn't want to toot his own horn, and was glad that Olivia had brought it up instead of his mother.

A second-grader in the middle of the room raised her hand. “What’s the best thing about your work?”

Olivia went first. “Well, I love being able to help people. When people report crimes to the police, sometimes they can be really nervous and anxious about telling someone that something happened, because what happened to them may be scary. But my job is to make sure their story is heard and give them lots of support, so I can help them find the person who did the crime."

Rafael’s response wasn’t much different from Olivia’s. “Olivia’s right. I also love helping people in my job. I want to put bad guys in jail and make sure they don't hurt anyone again. Olivia's been doing this for much longer than me, so I learned a lot from her. I used to care too much about winning cases in court, but Olivia helped me realise that caring for the victims we help is the most important, and I really like that about my job." He wasn't sure why he was being so honest - perhaps he let his guard down easily around kids - but Olivia's reassuring smile told him that she was appreciating this side to him.

"Are your jobs very busy?" a girl in the front row chimed in.

"Our jobs are really busy sometimes, but we get to spend lots of time with our friends at work! I have many meetings with Rafael, but we always have _lots of fun_ working together." Olivia beamed at Rafael, who successfully resisted the urge to make a sarcastic retort about asking for warrants in front of 50 children. "Sometimes, our jobs are really tough. When we catch bad guys, we want to be _really_ sure that we find the right person. This means that we have to be really careful. Rafael helps make sure that we've got everything covered."

"Yeah, it's awesome working with Olivia. She's one of the kindest, smartest people I know. When people are scared, she always makes them feel better, and helps find the bad guy who did it to keep us all safe. Even though I have to read lots of things and stay up late to prepare to go to court sometimes, Olivia is really good at her job and helps me out. She even comes to court and watches the trial! When she's there, I feel more confident."

It was her turn to blush. Their silent courtroom nods had been a feature of their interactions since the Jocelyn Paley case, but they'd never acknowledged it. Now she knew just how much her presence meant to him, and hoped he wasn't saying it just to appease the kids.

A few more questions later, most of them serious or related to their cases, the hour was almost up and the duo prepared to wrap the session up.

"Are you guys best friends?" a first-grader sitting in the front of the room asked.

Olivia and Rafael looked at each other, awkward smiles frozen on their faces, both too nervous to speak first.

He broke the silence first. "Yes, I think we're best friends. We work together so much, and now we know lots about each other!" He could feel his mother smirking proudly in the wings, and tried to pretend she wasn't there, while desperately looking to Olivia and hoping he hadn't spoken wrongly.

"Rafael and I _are_ best friends. We respect each other a lot, and we work well together, too." Rafael knew from her tone that she meant it, and hid the relief that flooded his system.

Another kid sitting nearby chimed in. "My mama and daddy work together and they always say that it's hard for grown-ups who are married to work together sometimes. Is it hard for you too?"

"We're not m-..." Rafael was about to reply, but Olivia quickly intervened. _Let's not bore them with clarification_ , her eyes were saying to him, and he defaulted to her.

"Well, it's hard sometimes. We argue when we have different ideas about what to do about a case, or when things get tough and we're stressed out. But we always find a way to work through the hard parts in the end."

That was a better answer than he ever could have thought of on the fly. Thank God for Olivia's experience with kids, he thought. Thankfully, the last question they got was far less awkward.

"Do police officers eat lots of doughnuts, like I see on TV?"

Olivia chuckled. "I love doughnuts! But I eat lots of things, like pretzels, at work too. Rafael always steals my pretzels whenever he comes to my squad room."

"Guilty as charged. Olivia is nice and lets me eat her pretzels all the time," he raised his hands in mock surrender. The students laughed and Olivia turned to him with a twinkle in her eye.

Lucia dismissed the students for recess and ushered her son and Olivia to the parking lot, where his car waited. "Thank you Lieutenant Benson, for coming today. The kids really appreciated it. And thank you, _mijo_ , for bringing her here. It looks like they really liked the _both_ of you together," she winked.

" _Mami_ ," he groaned. "Not now."

"Hey, I saw what I saw. Antonio thought you two were married, and I can see why," Lucia added mischievously.

"Sorry on my _mami_ 's behalf. She can be... pushy... about _certain things_ ," he said apologetically once they got into the car. The audacity of his mother!

Olivia noticed him evading eye contact and tried to chip away at some of the tension. "It's fine, Rafael. She's really nice and I love meeting her."

"I can't believe a kid thought we were married," he added in disbelief, still evading eye contact. His cheeks turned red once more - he'd lost track of the number of times he'd done that since the morning. "Thanks for responding to that."

"To be fair, you were really generous with your compliments today. Maybe I should bring an audience of kids to your office from now on - you'll be much nicer to me," she quipped.

"Kids ask the darndest questions." They laughed, but his tone suddenly turned serious a few seconds later. "Just so you know, I meant all of that, Liv. You've been great to work with."

"I meant what I said too, Rafael. Even if it took a bunch of kids to get me to say it out loud, I hope you know that I really appreciate how much you challenge me. Even if you're an asshole every once in a while."

The mood in the car now more sentimental and reflective, he looked at Olivia and thought about all they'd been through in his time with SVU. "It does feel like we're married sometimes, you know. All that squabbling we do? Straight out of a rom-com."

"Well, it'd be a pretty damn fine marriage, because we get so much done together. The only thing missing is that we..."

"Don't love each other?" He laughed nervously.

"That's not exactly true... _Best_ friends have to love each other in some way, right?" she mused, thinking about the question they'd received earlier.

"If that's what you say, then _I love you_ , Olivia Benson." He'd intended for that to be playful, but why did it sound so good coming out of his mouth?

“I love you too, Rafael Barba,” she replied, almost on reflex.

It took a few seconds for the enormity of what they'd just said to each other to sink in, but when it did, the laughter abruptly stopped.

_Why isn't she responding?_

_What should I say to him?_

"Is... there something we need to be discussing?" He finally broke the silence, which felt like an eternity despite lasting not more than 15 seconds, cautiously and nervously. "Liv, I'm sorry. It was a joke." _Not really a joke, but this is too awkward for me to actually say it now._ He kept his eyes glued to the road ahead of him, and cursed the bad traffic. They were going to be in this car for at least half an hour more at this rate.

"No, no, it's fine, Rafael." That was all she could manage. Her mind was in overdrive. "I'm not offended in the slightest. That, um, was actually really sweet.”

“This has been one weird morning,” he replied in another attempt to ease the tension. “We’ve complimented each other more than we have in the last 2 years, and now we’re saying that we love each other? Looks like the kids really did a number on us.” _Dancing around the subject, but analyse the awkwardness instead of confronting it head-on, right?_

"Well, like you said, kids _are_ known to be brutally honest." Olivia wanted to bite her tongue again. She knew exactly what her brain was doing - she wanted desperately to prove that the awkward exchange they just had had something real to it, and wasn't _just_ a joke between friends.

"You have a point," he said, now more serious than before. "They really don't hold back, do they?"

"Maybe they had a point?"

"What do you mean?" he asked cautiously, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible even though his heart was about to leap out of his chest. _Was this conversation going where he thought it was going?_

"How would we be as a couple? Just hypothetically of course." She quickly added that disclaimer, aware that they were treading in very dangerous waters.

"Hypothetically? I can't help but think we'd be great together." He decided not to elaborate any further - if he did, she'd know about his feelings pretty much immediately. But they were still in "hypothetical" territory right? Surely there was no harm in two _best friends_ thinking or talking about it...

"Me too." A small smile appeared on her face. _Thank God_ , he thought to himself. _At least we're on the same page about that, even if there isn't anything more to this._

"Imagine the reactions we'd get from the squad if we did get together." _Reactions I wish we'd see for real_.

"I think Carisi would pass out. He thinks I don't notice now that I sit in my office, but his _shipping_ does get pretty intense. And it's rubbed off on Rollins, too!"

"God save us from Carisi."

"At least our long, late-night meetings would be more bearable with my _boyfriend_ present. Hypothetical boyfriend." Olivia added disclaimers like they were a reflex. Why was she being such a chicken? They were getting deeper into this discussion by the minute and she didn't want to stop, but it was taking all her might not to scream that she _did_ love him and didn't want things to be just hypothetical.

"Maybe I'll get those warrants even faster. Just for you," he added. But he couldn't get the vision of dating Olivia Benson out of his mind. Holding her hand under the table during meetings, standing tantalisingly close to her when they watched interrogations, his lips on hers...

_Snap out of it, Barba! This is all just hypothetical, right?_

He wrestled with those thoughts for a while, the silence in the car not helping to slow his mind down.

_Screw it._ He had to put his foot down. Even if she reacted badly. What other opportunity was he going to have?

"I think there's an elephant in the room we're not addressing, Liv," he finally said, his voice shaking.

The traffic had slowed to a crawl, and he took his hands off the steering wheel and folded them in his lap. He didn't want her to see them trembling.

Olivia turned to him and met his green eyes with hers. "What is it?"

He took a giant breath and struggled to stop his voice from shaking even more. It was now or never. He didn't want to dance around the topic any longer. "I love you and I think you love me too." _Not hypothetically. Not like mere best friends._

"Liv, I'm sor-..." he started a few seconds later, when all Olivia did was stare at him, mouth agape. His cheeks flushed for the umpteenth time that day, and he moved his hands to place them on the steering wheel again, but Olivia grabbed them before he moved another inch.

He heard her exhale and saw her break into a shy smile. "Thank God."

"What?" He bit his trembling lip. Was he hearing what he was hearing?

"I love you and now I know you love me too."

They'd stopped at a red light and turned to each other, time frozen momentarily, as they processed the enormity of what they'd actually said. No more hypotheticals. No more dancing around the topic. It was just them in the front seat of his car, stuck in traffic, with no audience of children to force them to confront their feelings.

"You mean the world to me, Liv," he said softly. She was still holding his right hand. "I just didn't know how to tell you, with so much going on..." He refrained from mentioning Cassidy or any of the difficulties she'd had with Noah. "You're really one of the best people I've ever met."

"I never thought I'd fall for you, Rafael. But I saw the way you looked at me... and after months of ignoring it I finally realised one day that I felt the same. You just _get me_. But you also make me a much better person." Olivia felt herself tear up as she said that, and was shocked to see that Rafael had tears in his eyes too. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I never thought I'd ever be able to say these words to you. I never thought you'd feel the same way about me. I've wanted to tell you for so long."

"We know now, at least." She squeezed his hand and they sat in silence - this time a contented, peaceful silence.

"You know, as much as this car has been a great place to have a discussion, maybe we should pull over for lunch somewhere and talk about this when we're able to actually look at each other." He looked at the traffic out the window and realised that they probably weren't moving anytime soon. Might as well stop for lunch and a _real_ conversation.

"That sounds good. I'll text Fin and let him know that I'll be back later."

"Awesome." Rafael pulled over by one of his favourite diners a few blocks away. "You're going to love this place."

They stepped out of the car and he took her hand and led her towards the entrance, standing closer to each other than ever before.

"Wait, Rafael." She paused by the car.

"What is it?"

"Now that we've finally gotten it out of the way, I just want to do _this._ " She put her hands on his waist, stepped right in front of him, and leaned in to brush her lips against his.

An Upper West Side sidewalk was not how Rafael envisioned their first kiss to be - if he even let himself imagine a first kiss with her - but he wouldn't have it any other way in the moment. They pulled apart, foreheads still touching, arms holding each other close. He loved how soft and sweet it was.

"Just think about how happy your mother's going to be when she finds out what her Career Day invitation did for us," she laughed. They'd opted for a booth so they could sit side-by-side, instead of across the table from her, and he seized the opportunity to rest his hand on her leg.

"God, don't even begin. She'll find out eventually... but for now I just want you and Noah all to myself." His lips brushed against her ear and their sheer physical closeness made her blush. "It's been one heck of a day, hasn't it?"

"For once I'm happy to have been outsmarted by children," she declared.

"Kids... sometimes they just know best, don't they?"

"Oh, definitely. They really _do_ know best." These kids had no clue what they'd just set in motion.


	20. Coney Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pardon the inane and probably factually incorrect context, i just needed an excuse to write about a shirtless Barba ;)

**Coney Island**

If this were a typical June day, Olivia would be enjoying a carefree drive along the coast with Noah in the backseat, belting out Taylor Swift songs and listening to his chatter about his upcoming Little League games or outings with Lucy.

However, on _this_ particular day she sped along Surf Avenue with an equally talkative but much older companion - Sonny Carisi - and the chatter of her police radio instead of the Billboard Hot 100. The sun was shining, temperatures pleasantly cool by early June standards, and she thought she could _really_ use a Nathan's hot dog, but there was no time for a boardwalk stroll or roller coaster ride when they had a case to investigate. Their suspect worked at one of the concession stands on the boardwalk, and they needed to know more about him.

Olivia parked the car close to Luna Park and they stepped into the boardwalk. It was early enough in the summer that it wasn't crowded - mostly locals exercising and relaxing on the beach - and Olivia wished she had Noah with her. But they had police business to do, and they walked to the stand they were looking for...

_Closed until Friday due to electrical fault._

"Shit!" she cursed. They'd driven all the way here for nothing. _Damn these concession stands and their lack of updated social media pages!_ she thought to herself.

She was about to grab Sonny and head back to the car, but he stopped her. "Can I use the bathroom before we go?"

"You seriously want to use the bathrooms on the boardwalk?" She knew from personal experience that the public bathrooms were disgusting.

"I really have to go and it's a long drive back to the precinct, Liv..."

"Okay, okay... I'll wait here," she muttered as he sprinted into the concrete building next to the beach.

Olivia leaned against the railing that separated the boardwalk from the golden sand. If she weren't on police business, she'd probably take some time to stroll on the beach and feel the wind in her hair before heading back to crowded, cramped Manhattan. It was the perfect time to spend a morning there - just missing the inevitable summer rush when school broke for the summer, but warm enough for a dip in the water. She felt a prick of envy watching people relax on the sand, some reading, others tanning on their beach towels, and a handful just listening to the waves lap against the shore. It'd been ages since she'd last dusted off her swimsuit, she thought as she watched a _very_ attractive shirtless beach-goer walk towards the men's bathroom that Sonny had entered just a minute ago.

A shirtless beach-goer who looked _awfully familiar._ She'd recognise that hair and swagger anywhere...

"Rafael Barba?"

The man stopped dead in his tracks and removed his sunglasses. Yup - she was looking into the piercing green eyes of her ADA.

"Liv?" He rushed to wrap his sandy beach towel around his bare torso. She shyly averted her gaze - he was _very_ attractive without a shirt on, even if she'd never admit to it.

Her reaction didn't go unnoticed by Rafael, who'd never admit that seeing Olivia Benson so smitten - with him, of all people - excited him.

"Bit overdressed for the beach, aren't you?" he quipped with his usual snark, staring at her blouse, slacks, and boots combination.

"Looks like your flamboyant courtroom fashion sense also applies to your beach attire," she retorted, pointing at his ridiculously bright floral-print shorts. "Carisi's still in the bathroom. You might want to put a shirt on before he returns and sees you looking like this."

Rafael turned bright red and rushed to pull his T-shirt back on. "One colleague has seen me shirtless. I think that's my quota. For life."

"Should I feel lucky to be that _one_ colleague?" she smirked, stepping closer to him.

"Come on, Olivia, don't tell me you haven't secretly wondered what's under my suspenders..." He intended for it to sound cheeky, but he bit his tongue when he realised just how forward he sounded. _Shit_.

He hoped it wouldn't make things awkward at work, but his apprehension disappeared when her lips curled into a devilish smile, brown eyes staring into his. "Looks like I know now..." His cocky tone drove her crazy.

His breath caught and it took all his willpower not to gasp audibly. Was she flirting with him? Was he flirting with her? He didn't even know, but he liked it and knew that she did too.

"Lieu, I'm back! You were right, the bathrooms are disgusting..." Sonny emerged from the bathroom dabbing his hands with a paper towel, but paused when he saw the casually-dressed ADA she was talking to. "Barba? What are you doing here?"

"I can't spend my day off at the beach?" he retorted.

"No offence, but you seem like a day-off-at-the-museum kind of guy. What are you doing in Brooklyn?"

"I used to work in this borough, remember? Sometimes, it's nice to get away from Park Avenue..."

"Thanks for reminding us how much more you make than us, Counselor. Do you want a ride back to Manhattan?" Olivia interrupted sarcastically, eyes still glued to his exposed calves and enticingly tight T-shirt.

"I'll drive this time," Sonny offered, sensing that his boss was... _distracted_ by their ADA.

Sonny led them back to the car and pretended not to notice when Olivia and Rafael trailed a few steps behind him. He resisted the temptation to pass a comment when he noticed them making eyes in the rear-view mirror. He had no clue what had gotten into either of them, but he deduced that it had something to do with the conversation he'd been having with Olivia outside the bathroom...

"You're back! Want to grab lunch?" Amanda asked cheerfully when she saw Sonny and Olivia walk through the precinct doors.

"You two go ahead..." Olivia waved them off and retreated into the break room, her mind a million miles away.

"What's gotten into her?" Amanda asked when she and Sonny waited for their wraps by the cart downstairs.

"She bumped into Barba on the boardwalk while I was in the bathroom and we gave him a ride back to Manhattan. I don't know what the hell happened while I was in there, but I swear they were having eye-sex in the car on the ride back!"

"Liv and _Barba_? No way. You're probably just reading too much into it."

"Amanda, I swear. It was _weird_. I felt like I was third-wheeling the whole time."

"You have a _very_ active imagination, Carisi..." she teased.

Meanwhile, over a cup of coffee in the empty break room, Olivia pulled out her phone and was surprised (was she, really?) to see a message from Rafael.

_Liked what you saw, Lieutenant?_

She gasped. The nerve of that man!

_So what if I did?_

She got her answer ten seconds later.

_There's more where that came from._

_Drinks at Forlini's tonight. 7pm._

She stared at her phone, mind racing with a giddy mix of excitement, anticipation and... arousal.

_Deal_.


	21. Williamsburg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two words - Barson. Karaoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a sequel to the Coney Island ficlet in this collection, which i've now moved to C20! i almost wanted to write Barba as a terrible, tone-deaf singer, but just couldn't imagine Raul singing anything badly, so here we go! feat. Amanda and Sonny as the karaoke masterminds.
> 
> also, some general updates:
> 
> 1\. my Christmas fic ([Christmas Wrapping](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009902)) is up! hope you'll like that too.
> 
> 2\. i'll happily take suggestions for future ficlets in this collection! please feel free to suggest any NYC locations or scenarios you'd like to see - at the moment i have apple-picking (thanks joyfulmariskahgt! <3), Bryant Park and Chinatown in the works, and would love to turn some of your ideas into ficlets! 
> 
> 3\. i *finally* got an idea for a proper, somewhat intense multi-chap Barson fic with an actual story/drama, and that should be up in the next week or so!

**Williamsburg**

_We're leaving ground_

_Will things ever be the same again?_

_It's the final countdown_

_The final countdown!_

Amanda, Olivia and Rafael watched as Sonny Carisi delivered the performance of his life on a small wooden platform in the centre of the bar they were in, drink in hand and microphone in the other. Olivia wished she had Sonny's confidence - he'd somehow commanded the attention of the entire bar with his swagger and even reduced the usually cocky and unflappable Rafael Barba to laughter.

"The trek here was worth it for this," Amanda chuckled as she waved her phone, which was recording the scene in front of them, in the air. In lieu of their usual drinks at Forlini's, Sonny suggested they celebrate the end of the week _and_ closure of a successful trial at a bar in Williamsburg that promised artisan cocktails and a "celebratory atmosphere".

What they hadn't realised, however, was that it was 80s Karaoke Night at the bar, _and_ that Sonny Carisi was a self-proclaimed karaoke fanatic. He'd gamely dashed onto the stage when they called for volunteers, and managed to get through not one, but _three_ songs with unshakeable determination and boundless energy, before retreating to their table to get his energy back up with a couple of shots and basket of fries.

"They're taking sign-ups! Anyone interested?" Sonny waved the clipboard that was being passed around the bar.

"None of us can follow that performance, Carisi," Olivia muttered. "Fin was lucky he had a sore throat and checked out early."

"I'll do it!" Amanda volunteered. She'd had two drinks and felt ready - after all, they were in a bar they didn't frequent, so she could always choose never to come back if she bombed it. "I could take a stab at _Bette Davis Eyes_ tonight."

"That's the spirit!" Sonny scrawled Amanda's name in the blank below his and handed the clipboard to the next table when he realised that Olivia and Rafael wasn't interested in the slightest. The blonde wasn't much of a singer, but had decent vocal chops and a surprisingly prolific song bank in her head, thanks to all the TV and celebrity gossip she followed. As the next singer made his way onto the stage, Sonny looked across the table at his boss and the ADA, who were sitting suspiciously close to each other. Olivia was laughing into her glass of Cabernet (her usual) as Barba whispered something into her ear, his hand clutching a glass of... not scotch, but wine? Barba definitely wasn't a wine person. Why the unusual drink choice?

Sonny recalled the awkward drive back from Coney Island they'd taken the week before. He still hadn't gotten down to asking his boss - or god forbid, Barba - about the _looks_ they'd been exchanging in the car on the way back, her immediate to the break room where she stared at her phone the entire time, the sneaky smiles whenever he showed up at the precinct for a meeting, and...

"Why are you staring at Liv and Barba?" Amanda whispered in Sonny's ear, cautious not to get Olivia and Rafael's attention.

"There's _something_ going on between them, Manda. Just look at them!" He quickly stared into his drink to avoid suspicion. "They've been all weird and handsy since the Coney Island trip last week."

"Not this again, Sonny..." Amanda groaned quietly. But she cast a quick glance at the duo across the table and realised that Sonny, as nonsensical and over-eager as he usually was, actually had a point. She'd been out for drinks with the squad and Barba countless times, but never had Liv _insisted_ on sitting next to the ADA (she didn't have to say it; her eyes and clinginess gave it away) or been reduced to giggles by something he said. Barba's signature sarcastic quips and insults were completely missing, and was that a genuine _smile_ he had on his face? _No wonder the air in the room is so positive today_! She could get used to this. A happy Barba was good for her mental health.

"Get what I mean now?" Sonny fired back, careful not to raise his voice.

"Okay, okay, you have a point," she gave in. "I'm not going to question them though. You planted this idea in my head; you can face Liv and Barba's wrath on your own."

"We're not going to question them. We need to get them up there. Together." A devilish smile appeared on his face as he gestured at the stage, where someone was in the middle of an emotional performance of _Total Eclipse of the Heart_.

"Sonny Carisi, scheming? I can get on board with this. But how on earth are we going to get them up there?"

"Write their names down on the list when you go up later. I'll distract them. If that doesn't work, I'll "go to the bathroom" and write their names down when I leave the table." He eyed their friends, who were still engrossed in a deep conversation of some sort.

"Do we know if Liv or Barba can actually... sing? They're going to kill us for this."

"We're not going to be back in Williamsburg for a long time; maybe ever. They can afford to embarrass themselves for 3 minutes here, but never at Forlini's. It's the perfect opportunity."

"I like this sneaky side of yours, Carisi," she smirked. "It's on."

"Next up, we have Amanda with _Bette Davis Eyes!_ "

That finally got Olivia and Rafael's attention, and they cheered their friend on as she made her way to the microphone. "I love this song!" Olivia remarked, and bobbed her head to the opening bars.

"Me too," Rafael added, exchanging yet another smile with the brunette detective. Sonny whistled his encouragement, but the ADA's smile didn't go unnoticed by him, and he shifted his eyes between Amanda on stage and the almost-couple at the table. _Was that Barba's hand on Liv's thigh, tapping along to the beat?_ Clearly Barba wasn't expecting Sonny to notice, with the buzz around Amanda's performance and his almost-hidden hand.

_She'll tease you, she'll unease you_

_All the better just to please you_

_She's precocious, and she knows just what it_

_Takes to make a pro blush_

Amanda knew the lyrics by heart and didn't bother to look at the words on the screen. Instead, she looked directly at their table as she belted out the high notes, and straight at Barba's hand on Liv's thigh...

_Damn!_ She almost missed the next line. There definitely was something there, and it probably wasn't just the alcohol talking. Amanda's eyes moved to Sonny's, who gave her an _are you seeing that?_ look that she deciphered within a second. Her lips curled into a grin. Oh, Olivia and Rafael didn't know what was coming for them.

The bar erupted into cheers as the song drew to a close, and Amanda hopped off the stage, drunk on the applause but still focussed on the mission at hand. She spotted the clipboard on the bar, right by the bartender, and walked up to him to order a drink... and quickly scrawl _Olivia and Rafael_ in the next blank.

_Song choice?_

She glanced back at the table and realised that they were beckoning for her to sit down. There wasn't time to consult the choice of song with Sonny, so she wrote down the name of the cheesiest 80s duet that popped into her head and quickly dropped the pen, walking back to the table with a drink in hand.

"That was amazing, Amanda!" Olivia raised her glass. "I didn't know you could sing like that."

Barba's hand was no longer on Liv's leg, she noticed immediately, but he still gazed at her like he was very much in love. Amanda smiled back at her friend and shot Sonny a quick, knowing glance. _It's on._ Both the junior detectives waited with bated breath, maintaining their best poker faces, as two more singers made their way to the stage. It certainly looked like neither Olivia nor Rafael had caught on to Amanda's little trick with the clipboard.

Finally. "Next up, we have Olivia and Rafael with _Don't You Want Me_!"

Olivia sat up in her seat when she heard her name. Surely that had to be another Olivia? But the announcer had asked for Olivia _and_ Rafael... AND they were apparently about to be singing a cheesy 80s duet in front of a room of strangers?

Rollins! No wonder the blonde made a beeline for the bar right after her turn. She'd signed them up on the fly. Olivia turned bright red and anxiously looked at Rafael, who was too stunned to respond.

The announcer grew more persistent when he didn't see anyone move towards the stage. "Come on, Olivia and Rafael! Our first duet of the night! This is going to be a steamy one!"

Olivia shot a death glare at Amanda and Sonny, who didn't even want to look into the eyes of the much scarier ADA. Instead, they got up and pushed - literally - Olivia and Rafael towards the stage, cheering them on loudly as they did so. The rest of the bar quickly caught on, leaving a stunned Olivia and Rafael on the tiny stage together, spotlight on them.

_I'm so going to kill you after this_ , Olivia glared at Amanda and Sonny, while Rafael fumbled with the microphone and stared at the floor, knowing that he was singing first.

All Amanda and Sonny could do was grin cheekily as the opening bars of the song played. "Good song choice," Sonny whispered to Amanda.

On stage, however, Rafael and Olivia were panicking.

"Do you know this song?" Rafael mouthed to her.

"Yes, do you?"

"Thank God. Let's not fuck this up, then."

There wasn't time for Olivia to reply, because it was Rafael's turn to sing. She thanked her lucky stars that she had a whole first verse to ease herself into the song...

_Holy shit. Rafael can SING._

Given how much Rafael talked in court and general it didn't surprise her that the suave ADA could sing, but she didn't realise that he could _sing_. His smooth baritone sailed effortlessly through the first verse despite his visible nerves, eliciting many a cheer from the crowd. However, he kept his eyes fixed on the lyrics that scrolled by on the flat-screen television, unsure of where to place them or his spare hand. He settled for a two-handed death grip on the microphone, two paces separating him from Olivia, who alternated between nervous glances at her duet partner and staring awkwardly at the lyrics.

_Don't_

_Don't you want me?_

_You know I can't believe it_

_When I hear that you won't see me_

"Come on, look at her!" Sonny couldn't resist the urge to yell at them. As good as Barba sounded, it hardly counted as a believable duet if he refused to look at his duet partner. The rest of the bar seemed to agree, as did the announcer, who cheekily told them to "stand closer!".

Olivia blushed shyly and Rafael slowly shifted his eyes from the screen to her. _God, she looks beautiful_. The makeshift spotlight illuminated her face, and the look of adoration in her eyes as he worked his way through the pre-chorus was irresistible... He wanted to kill Sonny Carisi and Amanda Rollins, but that could wait until they got off stage. There was no turning back now. He could do his best to enjoy three minutes of forced karaoke with Olivia Benson.

Rafael stood up straighter and stepped right next to her, his singing voice markedly more confident and assured. His increased comfort made Olivia feel more at ease, and they launched into the chorus together, eyes meeting at long last.

_Don't you want me, baby?_

_Don't you want me? (oh)_

Amanda whistled. The sexual tension between the two! Holy crap, the room felt twenty degrees hotter. She applauded herself for the apt choice of song. Rafael and Olivia now stood shoulder to shoulder, his green eyes piercing hers, completely immersed in the _very_ suggestive lyrics. There was nothing to suggest that they weren't actually a couple in love, or at the least, _very_ horny for each other, Amanda thought to herself with a triumphant smirk on her face.

This was far, far, better than any of them had envisioned.

Olivia wasn't much of a singer - her experience was confined mainly to shower singing and college a cappella - but Rafael's assuring glances gave her all the encouragement she needed to get through her verse. This was college karaoke all over again, except that she was actually singing with someone she had a _very_ strong attraction to...

_The five years we have had have been such good times_

_I still love you_

It hadn't yet been five years since they started working together, but Olivia sang those lines with exceptional gusto. Rafael flashed a cheeky grin at her - the best detective he'd ever worked with. And undoubtedly the hottest.

Olivia's mind raced back to the drinks they shared at Forlini's the night of the Coney Island encounter that started it all - the kiss they'd snuck in the haze of the bar, the frisky Uber ride back to her place... It made her knees go weak. This duet was making her relive that night. The way his smooth, uninhibited singing voice blended with hers; the way he stared at her lovingly - she had to resist the urge to kiss him right there, mid-song.

_Don't you want me, baby?_

She could have sworn that she saw Rafael nod, ever-so-slightly, every single time they sang that line...

They finished the final chorus in perfect unison, eyes not leaving the other's as the song trailed off. If not for the announcer leading the room in a round of enthusiastic applause, they probably wouldn't have left the stage, too lost in the moment to pay attention.

"Holy smokes, guys," was all Amanda could manage when Olivia and Rafael settled back in their seats.

"Get your jaws off the floor, Rollins and Carisi," Rafael quipped. Sonny nudged Amanda's arm. _God damn - that was something._ Amanda winked back, keeping an eye on Olivia and Rafael, who were grinning from ear to ear.

"Is there something you're not telling us? I swear you two looked like actual lovebirds up there."

"And don't even get me started on the ride home from Coney Island last week..." Sonny added, the door now wide open.

Olivia and Rafael both turned beet red. "I'm... going to get another drink," Rafael mumbled quickly. He headed right for the bar as Olivia silently cursed him for leaving her alone with her two very inquisitive and eager detectives.

Amanda leaned in. "Liv, come on. There's no shame in admitting that you and Barba have a thing going on. The only people you know here are the two of us."

"What on earth happened when I was in the bathroom at Coney Island, Liv? Don't deny it; you weren't yourself after I got back."

"I saw Rafael... shirtless. We talked - flirted - for a bit." She blushed and felt like a teenager again. She was a blubbering mess!

Amanda gasped. "Whoa, it's "Rafael" and not "Barba" now, huh? This is more than just seeing a glimpse of his chest!"

"It's still nothing, guys. Seriously. All we did was have a few drinks at Forlini's that night." Olivia decided that it was best to omit what happened in her apartment after. She trusted Sonny and Amanda not to gossip, but her relationship with Rafael was still nowhere close to being anything official.

Carisi wasn't having it, though. "There's something there, Liv. And after that steamy duet, there's no way this is just nothing!" he added emphatically.

Olivia watched Rafael from the corner of her eye. "Shush guys, he's coming back." They straightened immediately and turned their attention back to the next singer. Rafael frowned at her, but decided not to press the issue - not until he could be alone with her. Under the table, he nudged her leg with his, which drew a shy smile from her.

The karaoke ended up being so entertaining that they spent another hour at the bar, laughing away at some of the truly heinous 80s song choices and dance moves that ensued. Olivia felt herself grow bolder as the night went on, liberated by her confession to Amanda and Sonny - she let her hand wander to the small of his back, which took him by surprise, and even squeezed his hand as they listened to a very heartfelt cover of _Endless Love._ He didn't know what had gotten into her, but he guessed that it had something to do with Amanda and Sonny now being aware of their sexual tension, and he admitted to himself that he liked it. He wanted to touch Olivia in public; hold her hand, even kiss her.

They definitely had some talking to do.

In the Uber back to Manhattan, programmed to make one stop at Rafael's apartment to drop him off before heading back to hers, she nuzzled against his shoulder in a tipsy, jubilant high. She sighed contentedly and let him kiss her forehead. "Tonight was fun."

"It sure was. You have quite the singing voice, Liv."

"Nowhere near as amazing as yours. I'm going to make you sing me to sleep from now on."

Rafael laughed and happily agreed, but sat up a little straighter when he replayed that in his head. "Does this mean that there's a _second time_ in store for us?" he teased.

"I meant that you can sing to me over the _phone_ , Counselor. But now that you mention it, I'm not opposed to a live performance from you."

Rafael ran his fingers up and down her arm, tracing invisible patterns. "I'd actually love that, Liv."

"I also should tell you that I told Amanda and Sonny about what happened when I bumped into you at Coney Island..."

"Oh no. I can only guess what they had to say about that."

"You probably can. I'm sorry for not running it by you first."

"I trust you, Liv. You don't have to run everything by me. We're not..." He caught himself and trailed off, unsure if that was a topic to address while they were tipsy in the back of an Uber.

"What are we not, Rafael?"

He stumbled over his response. "I was going to say that we're not, you know, um, dating? Officially?"

"I guess we're not," she replied, sounding defeated.

A cloud of disappointment hung in the air. She inched away from him and felt his fingers leave her skin.

"What if we _were_ dating?" he asked after what seemed like an eternity.

"What are you suggesting, Rafael?"

"I'm think I'm asking you if you'd like this to _not_ be just a one - or two-time - fling." He was grateful for the darkness of the Uber, which hid both his trembling lip and the fear in his eyes. This was nothing like court. The last time he'd been in a relationship was over four years ago, long before he requested the lateral transfer to the Manhattan DA's office. He didn't want to fuck this up, especially when his special someone was Olivia Benson.

"I think... I'd like that. A lot, actually."

She waited for his reply, but it didn't come - instead, he swept her in a passionate embrace and kissed her, tasting the remnants of her Cabernet on her lips.

"You know, you don't have blue eyes, but your _Bette Davis Eyes_ really do something to me."

"I'm glad you went to Coney Island on your day off, Counselor."

"I'm glad I didn't put a shirt on before leaving."

In the darkness, he could just make out a flirtatious wink. "Am I going to get another glimpse of that anytime soon?" she drawled, voice heavy with desire.

He understood exactly what she meant.

"Drop the first stop. We're going straight to 89th and Amsterdam."

The driver nodded, and they crossed the Williamsburg Bridge, lips locked and bodies tangled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need some more time to work on my smut-writing technique, so i've decided to stop here for now ;)


End file.
